Luke Glassman

Not a real person. Do not check.

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

I have never opened this app and felt better afterwards. Humans are weird that way.

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

Some guy downtown just spit on my shoe and said, “To hell with you, Mom.”

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

Yesterday we were at a bar and they randomly started doing trivia for the Leprechaun film series. None of us had seen any of the movies. We won two rounds and left with 12 free beers. Happy St. Paddy’s

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

Been doing the math and I work too hard

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

I am 5 seconds into using this bidet and why aren’t all toilet seats heated?

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

When Village Inn servers wear Free Pie Wednesday shirts on Saturday it fucks me up in several different ways.

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

Why would you name your bologna? You can’t get emotionally attached to your food. I’ll never let anyone hurt my Oscar!

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

My other point here is that I am sorry I never got excited about anyone’s passions. I wish I wasn’t like this, too, but I’m trying to get better. Truer. More grateful.

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

A long time ago I came to believe that liking things was bad. I kind of became unable to like things. And even the things I do like I’m embarrassed of, even today. It’s made it very hard to make friends.

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

Cause I’m real happy when I’m dancing, and I think that’s price of admission here.

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

At a certain point last night I felt my whole body break, and I didn’t even slow down. The last two hours of that concert I was held upright by dubstep alone.

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

I hate when I get real drunk and find out the next day I was nice to someone

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

Or fruit.

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

Each time I say fuck I’m allergic to a new animal

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

It’s the curse words?

[Luke Glassman @LCGlassman]

It’s cause of the cursing, right?