incorrect LIS

things chloe, max and rachel never said

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

max: i may be short but that doesn’t mean i’m innocent *aggressively tries to open a caprisun*

chloe:

chloe: need any help with that

max: yes please :(

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

chloe: where’s the bread? i thought you went to the store

max: *mumbles*

chloe: what?

max: i couldn’t reach it! it was on the top shelf!

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

max: chloe can you do sth for me?

chloe: i would literally cover up a murder for you, plant my dna at the scene of the crime and take the blame

max: great, can you do the dishes?

chloe: no

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

max: hey chloe could you-

chloe: i’d die for you

max: um okay but could you just-

chloe: i’d sell my soul to the devil if you needed me to

max: that’s great i just need the-

chloe: anything

max: please pass me the salt chloe just the salt

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

rachel: chloe what’s the meaning of life?

chloe: max caulfield

rachel: oh bc she’s your life?

chloe: no bc life is short

rachel:

max: now listen…

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

chloe: hey can you turn on the light?

max: i don’t need to. you’re the only light i need in my life.

chloe:

chloe: that’s sweet but i can’t fucking see-

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

max: what’s upstairs?

chloe: unfortunately the stairs don’t speak

max: ...

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

chloe: i used to be passive aggressive but now i’m going to try and be aggressively passive

max: wait what

chloe: don’t mess with me bitch i’ll fucking forgive you do not test me

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

chloe: have you ever smelled upsexy?

max: smelled what

chloe: upsexy

max: what the hell is that

chloe: what the hell is what

max: what’s upsexy

chloe: nothing much hbu

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

max: *finds a $20 bill on the floor and picks it up* hey look a 20!!!

chloe: dude! *takes it* don’t pick stuff off the ground, do you know how many germs this can have?? *puts it in her own wallet* what’s wrong with you?!

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

chloe: *sneezes*
max: bless you
chloe: i’m already blessed bc i have you
max: *blushes*
chloe: *winks*
rachel from across the room: are you fucking kidding me

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

max: thank you for teaching me how to lie :)

chloe: no problem ;) next week: stealing!

rachel: THAT is what you call a “bonding activity” chloe???

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

max: whatever you’re thinking right now stop it

chloe: what?

max: you always make that face when you’re about to say something stupid so cut it out-

chloe: i love you

max:

chloe:

chloe: cereal qualifies as a soup

max: *leaves*

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

max: *panicking, running into the kitchen* CHLOE i told rachel that i’m gonna make dinner but i can’t cook for shit help me!!

chloe: *pouring milk directly into the cereal bag* you’ve come to the right person

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

chloe: *kicks the G off the graveyard sign*

chloe: let’s get this party started

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

chloe: good news and bad news

max: okay... bad news first

chloe: the fire we started in the kitchen is out of control

max: WHAT????

chloe: *holding a perfectly toasted pop tart* now the good news! :D

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

chloe: *coming out of the shower*

ghost: *writes “YOUR GOING TO DIE” on the mirror*

chloe: *corrects it to “YOU’RE” and leaves*

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

max: are you a cuddler?
chloe: I’M A MACHINE OF DEATH AND DISTRU- yeah i’m a cuddler

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

chloe: let’s split the $10 between all of us
rachel: sure
max: sounds like a plan
chloe: *is tearing the $10 into thirds*
rachel:
max:
chloe: what???

[incorrect LIS @LIS_quotes]

chloe: you have a sweet looking ass

max: what was that?

chloe: i said you have nice eyes

max: i liked the first one better

chloe: *spits out water*