LITW Ministry

To teach and uphold the Word of God, while caring for His people
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Email: [email protected]
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[LITW Ministry @LITWordMinistry]

As the Holy Spirit bids you, please come

[Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo]

The people you beg for money are the people who beg me for money
The uncle you sent your CV to so that he can help you search for a job came to me with the same CV to help you get a job
That connection your mummy said she has was me
The person your daddy runs to when there is no other place to run to is me
Your mothers speak to me on their knees
Your fathers address me while lying flat on their faces
But you feel it is okay to say "What's up to me" or even ignore me?
The generations before you did worse than this
Gen Z or Gen After Z or who do they call you?
You gonna learn

- God

[Babájídé @Babajiide]

Haha, in an hour of posting, I’ve gotten so much feedback… what I’ll say is:

- These are legal and backed by law.
- LIRS follows my account, and they know about tax planning. The folks who work in LIRS are really smart.
- We’ve let the worst of our society talk about money a lot… we can’t start having a problem when legitimate people talk about money.
- No, I’m not trying to show off, lol… my account has always been dedicated to sound personal finance.
- Yes i will keep writing about smart financial planning

[LITW Ministry @LITWordMinistry]

Light In The Word Ministry is inviting you to a Sunday Service Zoom meeting.

Topic: Light In The Word Ministry's Sunday Service Zoom Meeting
Time: Sunday, July 12, 2026 10:00 AM West Central Africa

Join Zoom Meeting
https://t.co/yDNKKSoDvA

Meeting ID: 995 9361 0631
Passcode: 179312

[LITW Ministry @LITWordMinistry]

Light In The Word Ministry is inviting you to a Prophetic Service Zoom meeting.

Topic: Light In The Word Ministry's Prophetic Service

Date: Thursday July 09, 2026.

Time: 05:00 AM West Central Africa

Join Zoom Meeting
https://t.co/MLF3fJSGmH

Meeting ID: 996 6884 5593
Passcode: 501773

[Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo]

The Lord blessed my family and me with the gift of a set of twins after twenty-three years of marriage.

We didn’t do IVF because we had tried that five times and it failed every time. The doctor told us eventually that my womb didn’t develop. I had a hypoplastic womb. My husband had fathered two children with my blessing with another woman in another state, where he was transferred to in 2015 (Delta).

I stayed in Lagos and managed his gas company and our other assets at the time. He was a very good man, the only son of his parents, and it was only fair that he get to have children and raise his own children to perpetuate his lineage.

I was not coerced or tricked into allowing him to have a baby mama. I pay the woman for the upkeep of the children monthly, and I also take care of the children’s school fees and other needs. We have built a good life together from scratch, and I can never imagine being with another man apart from him for life.

He loves me, and that is all that matters to me. He never for once treated me with disrespect after he became a father, regardless of how much I braced myself for it. He was with me as normal as he ever was. he didn’t patronise me or pity me or stop having sexual relations with me. I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was preparing to come for the programme we had in March this year.

It was that week that the doctors said I was four months gone. It was that cross over communion or the one before it, but I remember that after taking that communion, I saw a vision in which an hourglass surrounded by two oscillating wheels descended upon my womb as I slept.

I reached out to Brother Gbenga that day and asked him what it means for the wheel within a wheel to enter into a person, and he said, “Pregnancy”. I just took it as a pregnancy of ideas or something of such because I don’t have a womb, and I have reconciled myself with this truth and made peace with it.

Today, I have in my arms a baby girl and a baby boy. Two wheels of light that I know have been birthed for supernatural exploits in their generation.

The Lord has asked me to reach out to Brother Gbenga for the names, and he sent the names without hearing my story as I have written it here because I kept my matters private due to the peculiarities of my family dynamics.

People who know your story tend to attract judgment and influence your decision-making process as a person.

Ophannim and Galgallim, We call them Hope and Glee for short. I write this to fulfil the Spirit of prophecy behind their birth. The names confirmed the prophecy that Brother Gbenga sent to me when I told him the good news of the pregnancy of the children. he sent me a scripture from Isaiah 27 1-3 with the following prophecy.

The Lord said, as soon as they are announced, the spirit of light will spread all over the nations and children of purpose and destiny from all over the realm of glory shall burst forth like stars and shine. The Lord said the offering for this announcement should be as a first fruit offering for ONLY those who are stirred to give it by the Spirit. It is an ushering of light and bright colours, the kind that has never been seen before.

The Lord said “Open the barns of comfort and bring forth the fire that burns but that does not consume”. That was all the prophecy as i received it sir. This is my testimony to the Glory of God.

[Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo]

How Smart Women Handle Married Men Who Hit on Them

Every woman will eventually face a married man trying to cross the line. Knowing exactly how to handle it matters more than you might think.
When you can firmly shut down a married man’s advances, you protect yourself from getting dragged into an affair. When you hold your ground and keep things strictly platonic with other men, you live with a clear head and create space for the genuine happiness you deserve.

Here’s the reality: if a man makes a move and you don’t stand your ground — if you let things get fuzzy and intimate — once you cross that line, you’re looking at a world of trouble.
Your husband won’t forgive you. People will talk. Even your own family might turn their backs on you. You could lose everything and end up completely shattered.

That’s why you need to stay sharp. Don’t get swept up in the moment. Keep your eyes open and protect yourself from the mess that follows.
So when a married man comes on to you, here’s how smart women handle it — with wisdom and class.

1. Don’t Add Him. Keep Your Distance.
If a married man starts flirting, stand firm. Don’t add him on social media. Keep your distance. Be polite and unmoved by his subtle gestures. Make it known you are not available and do this fiecely and without leaving any hint of doubt about how repulsed you are by the idea of cheating as a married woman or with a married man if you are single.

Don’t join the band of ladies with the “I am not married, so I can sleep with whosoever I want” ladies who absolve themselves of their agency and complicity in sleeping with someone they know is married.
There is another group of ladies who say “He did not leave me alone”, “He kept disturbing me”, “He kept coming after me”, “He kept spending money on me and giving me gifts”, “He kept giving me attention”, “He said his wife was maltreating him”, “He kept hanging around me until I gave him what he wanted”
Such ladies deserve no respect or sympathy. They enjoyed the attention, cultivated it and benefited from it. They only absolve themselves of any form of responsibility for something they actively participated in so as to make the other party the scapegoat while they paint themselves as victims.

You need to understand something: a married man who still chases after other women has already shown you who he is. His intentions aren’t pure, and he’s not worth your time.

Walk away. Stay cold. Don’t give him an inch.

No matter how he tries to win you over, don’t budge. Don’t establish contact. That’s how you stay out of the storm.
If you don’t say no — if you let him slide into your DMs or add your Facebook — he’ll keep pushing. And once he finds an opening, you’re the one who gets played.
Never show interest in a married man. Only cold, hard distance will make him back off.
Smart women don’t casually add married men as friends. They cut it off at the source. This saves face for everyone and protects you from unnecessary risk. That’s called thinking ahead.

2. Don’t Play Games. Stay Alert.
Some married men won’t bother adding you as a friend. They’ll just keep flirting, hoping to wear you down and get what they want.
You need to stay on guard. If a married man starts getting flirty, don’t brush it off. Shut it down immediately.
Take the workplace, for example. Some married men love chatting up female coworkers, tossing out suggestive jokes. The moment you stop pushing back, they escalate.
Don’t ignore the red flags. Don’t play along. The second you sense an agenda, create distance.
Your principles and your awareness are your shield. Keep them intact, and you won’t get played.
The same goes for your personal life. Stay watchful around familiar men — friends, neighbors, anyone who tries to get too close or push for something more. If they’re making suggestive comments or acting inappropriately, cut it off. Walk away.
Remember this: a married man who gets flirty with other women has an agenda. Don’t engage. Refuse him. That’s how you protect yourself.
When you refuse to play along, when you reject his advances and stay alert, you keep your boundaries intact. You keep your happiness safe.

3. Don’t Accept Gifts. Keep It Clean.
When a married man starts pursuing you, don’t let your guard down. His intentions are not honourable.
He wants to play games. He’ll use small favours and sweet talk to soften you up, hoping to turn you into someone on the side and fill whatever void he’s trying to fill.
So when he comes at you with charm, gifts, or favours — don’t accept any of it. Say no.
When you refuse his gestures and keep your distance, you don’t owe him anything. You stay clear-headed. You don’t get tangled up in something that isn’t worth your time. You avoid getting hurt.
This is about principle. Don’t accept his kindness. Don’t give him an opening. Keep your emotions clean and uncomplicated. That’s how you avoid an affair.
When a married man makes a move, don’t engage. Stay cold. Give him nothing to work with.
He’ll realize there’s nothing in it for him. He’ll move on. And you’ll have avoided the mess entirely.

The Bottom Line
When married men come on to you, smart women handle it like this:
Don’t add him. Keep your distance. Don’t play games. Stay alert. Don’t accept gifts. Keep it clean.
Stay vigilant. Firmly reject married men who cross the line. That’s how you stay out of trouble.
Understand this: married men who chase after women aren’t looking for connection. They want what you have — your beauty, your body. If you drop your guard, they’ll walk right in and leave you broken.
And if you let yourself get played, if you fall into an affair, you’ll lose the happiness you already built. You’ll end up in pain. It’s not worth it.
So no matter what happens, don’t touch married men. Don’t touch affairs. Shut them down hard. That’s how you protect your future. That’s how you guard your happiness.

[Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo]

Someone asked me why many smart people are poor...

Money rewards a completely different skill set than intelligence does.

It rewards distribution, which means getting your thing in front of people. Some smart people find that horrifying.

Money rewards timing, which means showing up before everyone else figures it out. Intelligence usually needs time to let an idea marinate.

Money rewards persistence, which means doing the same boring task day after day after day, including on a Wednesday in February when nobody’s watching and the radiator’s clanking and you’d rather be anywhere else.

Money rewards a kind of public shamelessness that smart people find physically painful.

Smart people don’t act. They research. I think research is their favourite hobby.
They research everything so much that it’s no longer a means to an end; it’s the purpose.
They spend two years comparing index funds.
They read three books on negotiation before asking for a raise.
They spent two years comparing index funds.
They spent two years deciding whether to move to a different city, and then they won’t move anywhere because everywhere sucks anyway.
Meanwhile, somebody with a high school diploma and zero anxiety about being wrong opened a Roth IRA in 2019, dumped money into it every month like clockwork, and is now sitting on a portfolio that would make our print-shop philosopher weep into his instant coffee.

Knowledge that you don’t deploy isn’t knowledge. It’s expensive entertainment.

[Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo]

Good morning family
It’s today.
Thanks for all your support and prayers.

This is location for all coming

https://t.co/WolCDxhCOv

Sent from WhatsApp
https://t.co/ZnNBJDiyis

[Koinonia Global @koinoniaeni]

CELEBRATING A FATHER, A VOICE, A GIFT TO OUR GENERATION — HAPPY BIRTHDAY APOSTLE JOSHUA SELMAN

"I have found Joshua My servant; with My holy oil have I anointed him." Psalm 89:20

Today, we celebrate our dear father and mentor, whose "yes" to the Lord has become a doorway through which countless souls have encountered Christ, been transformed, and received light. We honour not just your birth, but your obedience. Not just your impact, but your consistency. Not just your ministry, but your unwavering devotion to revealing Jesus Christ and bringing Him glory.

Through your teachings, many have found language for their destinies. Through your support and prayers, many have found the strength to keep believing. Through your example, many have discovered that intimacy with God is not a myth, but a possibility.

You have taught us the way to love and shown us what true greatness in the Kingdom looks like. You have taught us to pursue Jesus above all else, to value Christ-like character above charisma, and to contend for deeper dimensions of spiritual growth and maturity.

The countless souls saved, lives touched, destinies aligned, families restored, leaders raised, and altars rekindled through Koinonia stand as living proof that one yielded life can become a blessing to nations.

Thank you for remaining faithful to the call.
Thank you for teaching us the ways of God.
Thank you for carrying the burdens of many with grace and compassion
Thank you for being a voice of hope, faith, and light in our time.
Thank you for demonstrating that a man can walk with God, remain yielded to Him, and finish strong.

As we honour you on this special day, we pray that the God whom you have served so faithfully will continue to strengthen you, enlarge your influence for His glory, multiply His grace upon your life, and reward every sacrifice made in devotion to His purposes.

May your latter days be greater than your former. May the oil upon your life never cease. May your voice continue to echo across nations. May kings and generations yet unborn rise and call you blessed. May the impact of your life continue to bear fruit for eternity.

Happy Birthday, Apostle Joshua Selman.

We love you deeply, we honour you dearly, and we celebrate you joyfully.

— From all of us at Koinonia Global.

#AJSBirthday2026
#CelebratingAJS2026
#ApostleJoshuaSelman
#KoinoniaGlobal

[Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo]

He: For several years, I believed I was not a good marriage material.
I was married but the marriage felt like hell fire
Everyday was war.
In my own way, I tried to make the marriage work, but the circumstances were always out of my control.

For instance, my wife took instructions from her mother daily via phone call. If I ask her to do anything or if the family needs to do anything, unless her mother approves, it will not be done.
Every month when she receives her salary, fifty per cent goes to her parents, but I dared not send money to my own parents because I am the man and fending for the family was my responsibility.
When I called her attention to it, she said I was shameless for daring to ask her how she spent her own salary.

This made me dislike her parents, and I was almost always avoiding them.
She would come to me randomly, saying her mother or father wanted to say hello to me on the phone, and I would shoo her away.
She would then document my actions and make it a talking point anytime we have a disagreement (which was always).

I cannot remember being happy in that marriage, even for one day.
My family was not welcome in our house, but her family members would troop in at will.
One day I chased them all away, just as she chased my family members away, too.
The chasm between us just got wider and wider.

Yes, we did counselling, but even during counselling, all she was interested in was that the counsellor must blame me for all the things she says I have done wrong while exonerating her for all my complaints.
Any counsellor who dared to be neutral or blame her for anything was considered biased or trying to sleep with me (if she is female).

My marriage was hell.

The marriage eventually crashed after twelve years of bitter rows. We fought until we hated each other so much that the sight of her began to nauseate me.

After our separation, I took stock of my life and told myself it is better to remain single than remarry.
My faults in the marriage were glaring.
I fought back (not physically but in every other way)
A husband was supposed to be a father, a friend, a brother, a lover and a priest to his wife.
He was supposed to be patient and kind and long-suffering.
I didn’t see any of those traits in myself when I did a post-mortem of the marriage.

Thankfully, the marriage produced two children, and I love the children to a fault.
I decided I was not the marrying kind and that I would live my life as a single man while dedicating myself to the care of my children.

Three years went by. Not the best of times, but I survived. I stayed alone and focused on improving myself.
Then I met a lady.
She was working with the United Nations and had just been posted to Nigeria from her country
We talked for a bit, and she told me she was looking for accommodation in a safe environment.
I didn’t know why I offered her a room in my house till today
Maybe I was lonely or missed the company of another person in my house.

This woman moved into my guest room.
She minded her space, and so did I.
I would wake up to the sound of hymns playing on the TV while she worked.
She worked most of the time remotely as a procurement officer.
I also worked remotely, and I cherished my space a lot.
With my ex-wife, whenever I was alone in my office working, she would barge in and start screaming, “You will hole up here and pretend to be working all day because you are avoiding me. You must be talking to another woman! Or why are you always on your laptop or your phone? Are you an emotional cheat? You must be talking to another woman somewhere!” (My ex-wife sees ghosts everywhere around me. She was always conjuring scenarios of strange women wanting me or me wanting them, and whenever I call her attention to it, she would say, “It is because you don’t love me enough and that means you are loving someone else somewhere or want to”)

With this new lady, I enjoyed my space and the tranquillity of watching a woman who enjoyed her own space too.
We rarely saw each other.
I had a chef, and all my meals were brought to my room upstairs, while her meals were taken to her at her workstation or room downstairs.

Whenever we saw each other, we had a polite conversation which rarely lasted for five minutes.

One evening, I had to travel out of town to meet a client.
I sent this lady a message that I was travelling out of town for a few days. I showered, dressed up and packed my bags.
As I was leaving the house, she emerged from her room with her box too
She said she does not want to stay in the house alone

That was how we went on my trip together and landed in the same hotel room when we got to our destination.
I offered to get her a room at the same hotel but she waved it off and said “she had no intention of inconveniencing me further than she had done by tagging along. She said she would stay in my room and mind her space”

And she did.

By day two, however, we cuddled, and things got out of hand.

I expected chaos afterwards, but it never came.
She was still peaceful, thoughtful, kind, patient, minded her business, did not make me feel inadequate in any way or insist that I had done something wrong or something to offend her, like my ex-wife always did.

I couldn’t believe it.

A woman who didn’t ask me why I didn’t compliment her for her performance on the bed or give her a review.
She didn’t live for my validation or lack of it.
She just enjoyed being herself.
She didn’t ask for head in exchange for head, she didn’t demand that I lose my identity because she is in my life
She didn’t make herself the alpha and omega of my emotional reality
She allowed me to function and to also sit by myself and think without demanding that she must be the only entity I think about, either for good or bad.

After we became lovers and I saw all the joys she brought to me, I fell in love with her.
We began to talk of marriage
I travelled with her to meet her parents as a friend
I met her siblings
I really liked her life.

All the while I was in court with my ex-wife, battling her for shared custody of the children.
Eventually, the verdict was given, and it was joint custody
I shared the good news with this lady, and she changed immediately
She said she didn’t know I had children or that I was divorced
She said she cannot marry a divorcee or care for any man’s children
I understood.

When the children came around, she locked herself in the guest room all day so as not to meet with them and only came out of the room after they had gone to bed.
She complained about everything the children touched or did.
“I heard the water running in one bathroom; they left the tap open”
“Control them, they are making too much noise”
“You must discipline them, don’t be a weak father”
“Leave them with their mother; must they come to spend time with you?”
My phone buzzed with complaints from her every minute about the children until at a point she asked me to return them to their mother if i truly loved her.
I ignored her messages after that
I had missed my children and would never trade them for any woman under this heaven

She really didn’t take the intrusion of the children into our Garden of Eden very well.

I decided I wanted my children in my life, and I told her so
She cried and asked me what that meant
I told her I cannot marry her
She moved out that same day, even though I told her she could return to the guest room so that we could return to how we were before we became lovers
She said I wanted to keep her around, knowing we would continue to have sex without any form of commitment from me.

We parted ways

Being with her for that one year made me realise I was the one who got married to the wrong woman.
Being with her also made me realise I needed a wife
Her profile fitted me, but for her religious beliefs and dislike for children
I needed a woman who wouldn’t be demanding attention all the time, insisting on public display of affection even if it made me feel uncomfortable. I needed a woman who wouldn’t mind me being in my own space all day, without nagging me for being at peace with the world
I needed a woman who has been weaned off her mother’s breasts and is happy being herself and happy being by herself without constantly buffeting me with one issue or the other.

I set out to search for that woman, and I found her.
A happy soul who loves children and was willing to marry a divorcee and share my world with me.
I found her four months later.

I am currently married to her, and I cannot recall an hour that I am not grateful for the peace and tranquility that I now enjoy.

Men should find the woman that fits them and not assume that they can be happily married to every woman that is out there desperately looking for a husband to marry.

God bless you, sir and thank you for the good work you are doing.
Thank you for introducing my wife to me and helping me understand my journey and identity in Christ.

God bless you, sir

[Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo]

A woman suspected that her husband was cheating on her.
She finds the phone number of the supposed person her husband is cheating with, and she calls the person.
When she does this, she acts on the assumption that she is right and also on the assumption that the person she has called was being deceived by her husband that he is single, separated, divorced, or in an estranged marriage.
If the man were merely deceiving the other woman, the other woman would back out of the discussions or whatever entanglements she had with the husband.
If however, the husband already told the other woman that he was married and so on, the phone call only emergizes the woman that her husband is having an affair with another woman
The worst thing ever is for the allegation to be untrue.
If the allegation turns out to be false and the man in question was not having an affair whatsoever, the wife would have embarrassed him, and this would erode the husband's trust and desire for the marriage to continue.
I have seen a case where one phone call made by the wife cost the husband a significant business deal, and as a result, the marriage ended permanently.
In another case, the man never forgave the wife because the phone call was to his subordinate and he was a very self absorbed man who is very conscious of his image.
He divorced his wife for embarrassing him that way.
As a wife, the person you have an issue with is your husband, and the issue that needs to be fixed is your marriage
You have no business calling an outsider or insulting an outsider because you are afraid or suspecting that your husband is cheating on you.
There is no excuse for acting irrationally in the name of protecting your home or protecting your interest in a marriage
If your marriage is having issues, deal with it within the confines of your marriage. It is not the fault of someone who is not in the marriage with you. Thank you

[Jeremiah Knight @iamrjknight]

https://t.co/0qFpBCilWM

[Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo]

https://t.co/ugIIZBH4bg

[Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo]

I had a sit-down with a lady.
We spoke for a while. She said she told her boyfriend that she was travelling to Botswana for a two-week holiday. I asked her why she made the plans, bought the tickets, and only informed him instead of going with him. She said she cannot spend her money on someone she was dating that way.
She said she can never sponsor him for a holiday
It just isn't something she could do.

It has nothing to do with affordability or a lack of love. It just felt odd to her that as a woman, she was expected to sponsor the trip of her fiancé on such a trip simply because she had the money and he didn't.
She said it felt odd.

I pointed out to her that if the genders were reversed and the man was the one with the money, he would have bought her tickets without a second thought. She said she knows, and that was how it has been ordained to be.
Men take women on trips and not the other way round.

I asked her how her fiancé took the news.
She said he asked her who she was traveling with to Botswana.
She said she told him she was going by herself
She said he was crestfallen, and his demeanor changed
Just before she travelled, he called off the engagement
She said she did not understand how he felt he was entitled to her money to that extent
I just smiled politely

There is something men have always done that women have to learn
Men don't mind buying happiness with their money
They may not be able to buy love, but most men understood that happiness, no matter how fleeting and momentary it may be, can be purchased with their hard-earned money.

A man will sponsor the trip of a lady or ladies he does not know from Adams to another country just for his own happiness.
He will put her or them on a private jet, a yacht, and in a hot air balloon.
He would do so with an air of satisfaction because it gave him an experience that he had always craved.

Many women would rather be the man in the man's story rather than be the man in the story.
Of what use then is money when it cannot buy you "a period of happiness"?

A man would work hard for years, save up his money, and use most of it to sponsor the wedding and the relocation of a woman he loves from any country in the world to the country where he is, so that they can be a family.
He knows the risks involved
The woman could arrive in that country and leave him for another man or to pursue another agenda
He will still take the risk and bear the cost with his full chest

Most women would find this sort of arrangement untenable.
Why will I spend my money to bring a man to Canada from Nigeria? He should find his way here and then come and marry me. Why should I be financially responsible for his relocation? I don't understand.
Somewhere at the back of her mind, doing this makes her look desperate and cheap.
In all the stories she read as a child, the damsel was always the one in distress, and her saviour was always Prince Charming.
She never saw a Princess Charming before, and she never thought it would be her duty to rescue a prince in distress.

Davido flies Chioma all over the world, but if the roles were reversed and Chioma happened to be the one with the money and the fame, would she be flying a poor Davido all over the world?
Somewhere at the back of our minds, the first picture is correct, but there is something wrong with the second picture.

Happiness, no matter how momentary, is always for sale.
If you rate your life the right way and realise all the money you have has not given you the fulfilment you need or the happiness you need at that moment in time.
The right thing to do is to ask why you are unhappy, even with all your money.
If you discover that what you are missing is a human connection or company
You open your wallet, and you buy it.
Men have always done this from generation to generation.
Women must learn to do it too.

What most women describe as intentionality in men is actually the perfect description of how men open their wallets to do things for women to buy themselves happiness.
"He lodged me in a five-star hotel, he booked a spa session for me, he sent me breakfast in bed, he took me shopping, he flew me to the Maldives, he bought me a diamond ring, he sponsored my relocation, he sent me money for the wedding preparation, and so on are all examples of how men spend their hard-earned money to buy happiness and fulfilment.
Women often describe this as an expression of love and intentionality.

If this description is true, why can't wealthy women express the same level of love and intentionality to the men (poorer than them) in their lives, so that they can experience the happiness that men get from doing this for women in the name of gleaning some level of happiness, regardless of how fleeting it may turn out to be?

[POJU OYEMADE @pastorpoju]

Banter from my friend @Olusegunverdict an ardent Arsenal fan @theplatformng on Friday.

We differ in opinion but still remain cordial. Lessons on democracy.

[Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo]

https://t.co/br3b2S2VuT

[Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo]

Trust Is Not Built On Being Agreeable

The people easiest to be around long-term are not the ones who are always agreeable. They’re warm and occasionaly difficult. They’ll tell you when you’re wrong. They won’t just absorb whatever you throw at them.

You’ve met people who agree with everything, laugh at every joke, and never push back. At first, they seem easy to be around. Then, gradually, something feels off. You stop trusting them. There’s no friction, which means there’s no real contact. You never find out what they actually think.

We say we want supportive people around us. Yet we also stop trusting people who never disagree with us. We say we want honest friends. Yet we avoid people who make us feel judged.

The prickly-sweet person holds both.

They care about you enough to be kind and respect you enough to be honest. They’ll say the thing you didn’t want to hear, not because they’re trying to win, but because they want the relationship to be real.
They give you their time freely and their approval carefully.

The care makes the honesty matter. The honesty makes the care believable.

Be warm without honesty and people stop taking you seriously. Be honest without warmth and people stop wanting to be around you. The combination is what makes someone worth keeping close.

The person who never figures this out spends years liked by many, truly known by few. The one who does ends up with something harder to find: the kind of friend you call when something actually goes wrong.

[Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo]

Can Women Choose to be Providers for their Husbands?

It became obvious to some men recently that, outside of their ability to provide for their wives and family, they really have little or no other value. When these men lost the ability to provide, their wives deserted them, and their children also left them.
This is not so in every case, but it is so in the majority of cases.

The Question is, why do women lose interest in men who cannot provide for them? Sometimes the women have their own money, and in some cases, the women are very independently rich, and yet they find themselves unattracted to men who cannot provide for them or give them the kind of lifestyle that they believe they deserve.

Should women care for men financially, similar to how men are expected to care for women?

A Gender Stereotype That Is (Unfortunately) Engraved in Our Brain

We have been taught about gender norms and stereotypes our entire lives. Some of them could be helpful, while many, unfortunately, are irrefutably harmful. This particular one is toxic, harmful, and yet engraved in our brains. Men are Providers, and A man who cannot provide is worse than an Infidel.
People extol homekeeping wives, but they look down on homekeeping husbands.

I was a homekeeping husband for several years (not by choice but because I couldn’t get gainful employment for several years while my ex-wife had a flourishing career). It was one of the most shameful positions for a man to find himself in, according to my experience. The disrespect and condescending manner in which I was treated and the names I was called by the ex-wife at that time still sting as I recall them.

I didn’t just sit at home expecting the provider to return from work and cook the meals or care for the children; I felt that would be very unfair, and it would also earn me more insults and disrespect. So I kept the house, nursed the children from as early as when they were a few days old, did school runs, was present at PTA meetings, Open Days, sports, and recitals. Most times I was the only man at such meetings. I cooked, I cleaned, I washed (Thank God for washing machines), I cleaned, and I made myself available for sex whenever my ex-wife wanted it.

To my mind, it didn’t matter who was bringing in the money; we were raising a family, and it takes both of us working together in harmony to do that. My ex-wife had a career that she kick-started at the age of eighteen. I met her when she was twenty-seven. I was twenty-nine and a fresh graduate at the time

She wanted a husband, and no other man was in her life, so she settled for me with the hope that I would get a job and become the provider. I tried everything I could to get a job at the time, but nothing panned out, and I experienced firsthand what it means for love to turn to hate. The way she looked at me changed totally. I lost all respect, and sometimes she would address me as if I were just a house help.

Expressions like “That is all you are good for, cooking, sleeping, and sex” or “I am working my ass off while you are here petting a baby and calling it a life”, I even earned the nickname “Daddy Day Care” for my troubles. Her mother didn’t spare me her condescension, either. She told me one day, “Look at how my daughter has shrunk because she is feeding you and your children while you sit and watch TV all day.”

Why is it that women cannot stand being providers for their husbands and family? Especially when the man is responsible and complementing their effort willingly while ensuring that they have the rest of mind to pursue their careers and do not have to worry about the domestic challenges.

You will hear a lady who is providing for her family talking about her husband in a denigrating manner. “I bought the shirt he is wearing”, I put some money in his pocket to give his mother the last time she came visiting”, “He is living a fake life, living off me and pretending to his family as if he is the man of the house”, “That one is also calling himself a man, someone that should drop his trousers and tie a wrapper”

Almost every woman who finds herself in the position of providing for the family dislikes the role, especially when her husband is depending on her income too.

Why is this?

Certain stereotypes have always referenced gender norms. Back in the day, men were hunters, and women cared for the house. Wait, there were no houses so women cared for… caves? Okay, let it be caves. Men were portrayed as strong, resilient, brave, courageous, and skilled enough to find, trap, catch, and bring a wild animal home to their wives and children. Women were waiting for their men at home, ready to accept the catch and make dinner for the entire family.

Or at least, this is what we have believed for a long time until recently.

According to research at the University of Michigan, women were hunters, too, and they even taught young children how to hunt.

Nowadays, the world is very different from the Stone Age. We don't need to hunt to have food for breakfast, and modern men aren't being assigned this task. There isn't a huge need for women to take care of the house, either. Any adequate adult of any gender can feed themselves, clean their home, and overall be independent without any issues. Moreover, even young children are usually self-sufficient enough to find food, clean their rooms, and go to sleep. In the event you're a lazy and incapable grown-up, there are food delivery services and cleaning companies that can assist you.

So, maybe those stereotypes don't apply anymore—or at least they don't apply to most countries in the modern world.

Man Must Be the Provider. Or Must He?
Most adults can earn a living and live decently nowadays. There is no need to be dependent on anyone. Many single parents can raise children on their own, despite it not being easy.

The world has changed, and people are quite self-reliant. But of course, not everyone wants to be this way, and certain people perpetuate the idea of a traditional family, where the man works and earns money, and the woman stays home and raises children.

I am aware of how certain women think. There are still ladies out there whose main goal is to find well-off husbands, give birth as soon as possible, and then use the child as an excuse not to work for many years or ever again. We all choose our path, but I don't think this should be how we live.

Men deserve much more than being used as money bags.

But suppose we're talking about an open-minded and progressive way of thinking. In that case, even progressive men still believe that they, as men, must be the providers, the head of the family, and protect their family at all costs, including financially. They may not admit it, but it's often on the back of their minds. And to my deepest regret, this thinking can negatively affect men and shape their decision-making process.

Please don't get me wrong; there are some positives to leaning into the old-fashioned way of thinking. It's great that men feel the commitment and responsibility to care for their children and partners. It's important to have financial stability, which is why it's great when a man who strives to provide for his family and is motivated to advance in his career starts a business, develops it, and finds ways to make his family's future more financially secure. It's also nice when a woman can feed the entire family, care for everyone, and support the children and her husband. Both of those roles are crucial for a family.

But how about making those roles interchangeable?

I'm not suggesting that a woman should build a house brick by brick and operate heavy machinery, although some women do — very few, unfortunately, only 5%

What I'm saying is we need to stop seeing each person as someone who can do only a few particular tasks and start expecting each person to be capable of completing all the family responsibilities, regardless of gender.

Yes, I know that men cannot carry children and give birth. Women also cannot create semen and impregnate themselves; however, I'm saying that the goal should be to create a partnership where either individual feels cared for, protected, sufficient, and supported by their loved one, regardless of gender.

What Happens If The Man Gets Sick or Burnt Out?

I firmly believe that a woman must be capable of taking care of her partner and children, even if her partner/husband provides an excellent financial life for them. Similarly, a man must be able to care for himself, his wife, and his kids in a domestic setting, such as feeding, cleaning, completing homework, and everything else.

I am absolutely convinced that this is how the family unit is supposed to work in harmony if we are being honest and real with one another. Unfortunately, many are in marriages to exploit their partners and live a soft life at the expense of their man

We all know what happens when one person is severely dependent on another. We've seen these examples so many times: When a man gets hurt at work, overworked and depressed, or sick physically or otherwise, and a woman is incapable of taking care of him and their children, this turns into a pivotal moment for this family.

Will the woman throw fits and claim that it's the man's job to work and support them, or will she "man up", another toxic way to refer to responsibility and taking care of her family?

Will she abandon him and look for another provider? I have heard so many young ladies saying this on social media without batting an eyelid. Will she resent him, lose all respect and regard for him, and treat him like a piece of trash because he is not providing financially or able to do so?

You may think I'm joking about women throwing fits and pushing the damaging gender stereotypes. I wish I were. I've witnessed some in person myself. I've read posts from dozens if not hundreds, of women online who didn't just complain but called their husbands names and deemed them not man enough after those men got ill or ended up in some other unfortunate trouble.

Some may not start a scandal at home, but they will tell their mother, girlfriends, and the entire Internet that their men aren't "real men" because they dared to get hurt or burnt out at work, and now it's up to her to figure things out.

I want to say that many women are that way, and many are not. (I don’t want sister Modupe Ishola and Sister Funmi Odutola to pull my ears in the DM) I don’t want to be accused of generalizing.

I am surrounded by many more good women than bad ones.

Every little boy, every teenager, and every young man hears an endless number of toxic gender stereotypes and other gender-based, very harmful rhetoric. It stays with them unless they get surrounded by the right people who change their minds.

So, the answer is yes. Yes, a woman must take care of her husband if he has an accident or gets hurt at work and needs time to heal, or has to help out on the home front so that his wife can function maximally at her job.

It doesn't matter if they are emotionally and physically overworked or simply wake up one morning and decide to take a few months off. Or maybe even a year off to enjoy life? I would be delighted if my spouse did that, and I'd like them to want the same for me.

However, money doesn't grow on trees, so both individuals must have the proper skills and work experience to support a family — that includes the women.

Conclusion
I'm a firm believer that only selfish, self-centered, and horrible individuals think that they aren't obligated to support their significant other financially.

It doesn't matter if you have children. Of course, if we're talking about a newborn who needs their mom, the baby must be latched on to mommy for a while. But once the kids are at least toddlers, you're responsible for your partner no matter what. Your spouse may need you to take the wheel at any time, whether a few years into the partnership or two decades in.

In my case, the torture lasted for ten years. By then, all the love had died, and whatever tolerance remained was on its last legs. A person can only endure so much insult and inhumane treatment in a lifetime, especially as the children started growing up and witnessing the inhumane treatment I was suffering from their mother for being unable to provide.

She was the type that would call the children and say, “Your father did not put in a penny towards your school fees, mummy is the only one paying your fees and buying your clothes, do you think this is good? Don’t be like your daddy when you grow up. He is not a good example of how a man should be, and I don’t want you to grow up to be like him. Your wife should not be worked to death to feed a lazy man.”

The children will watch her leave for work and start asking you questions.

“Daddy, why are you not working? Why did mummy say you are lazy?” etc

God came to my help. He brought me out of the belly of the whale. Things turned around for me, and I began to provide for my family. Unfortunately, the resentment and pain of ten years had taken its toll. The same woman who accused me of living off her asked me who would be caring for the children now that I have a job that was taking me all over the world.

“You want me to sit at home and care for the children? I should leave my career and sit down so that you will be feeding me? Can you hear the rubbish you are spewing? You want me to be a slave who will sit at home and play wife? I was not built for that.
When you are ready, you will resign and take care of your children.”

That was how that marriage ended.

She said she would rather be a single mother than answer to a man who suddenly got a job and wanted to reassert himself as the head of the family.

True love is not transactional. The man and the woman who share true love fight daily to keep the light of their love shining through all seasons, and they work hand in hand to provide, support, care, stand by, and respect each other.

-GSW-