Arap Kimutai

God first|Chelsea fan 100%|accountant by profession| an entrepreneur| dealing with small businesses but don't think like a small business!!!!!|

[Arap Kimutai @LReubenlen]

Inded internet is always there for us! @OleItumbi ,@vinichezz @AtKimlang

[Arap Kimutai @LReubenlen]

@WilliamsRuto A whole president crying on X! We have never witnessed this before as a country.

[Arap Kimutai @LReubenlen]

@WilliamsRuto Why are you crying?, you have the tools of power! Don't come for our votes, tutakuletea😀

[𝙋𝘼𝙐𝙇. 𝐎. 𝐍𝐄𝐊𝐎 @ouma_neko]

A petrol station in Garissa nearly applied for a boxing license after an ordinary fuel transaction turned into a live-action sports event.

According to eyewitnesses, an AP officer fueled his vehicle and was asked the most feared question in modern Kenya:

"Afande, unawezaonyesha M-Pesa message?"

At that moment, negotiations collapsed faster than Arsenal's title hopes.

Instead of producing the sacred screenshot, Afande allegedly decided to solve the matter using government-issued confidence and a surprise punch.

Unfortunately, what he didn't know was that the petrol attendant had apparently spent his free time watching Mike Tyson highlights and shadowboxing behind the station.

The attendant reportedly threw the fuel nozzle aside like a wrestler removing his jacket before entering the ring.

What followed was not a fight.

It was an advanced practical lesson.

Witnesses say Afande was promoted from customer to punching bag within seconds.

Nearby motorists who had come to buy fuel immediately abandoned their vehicles and secured front-row seats.

One boda boda rider allegedly switched off his engine and declared:

"Hii sio Shell, hii ni SuperSport."

The beating became so educational that Google Maps almost updated the location from "Petrol Station" to "National Boxing Academy."

By the time coworkers intervened, Afande had allegedly memorized all the stars visible in the Garissa sky .

Were it not for the intervention of one Mohammed, the officer would have continued receiving free lessons in Physics, Geography and Advanced Air Navigation.

Investigations are ongoing to determine whether the dispute was about fuel, M-Pesa, or an unauthorized boxing tournament.

[Arap Kimutai @LReubenlen]

@thehouseoffootb England

[Arap Kimutai @LReubenlen]

@TheFutbolZoneX So none is ready to talk about Saka's handball?

[KIJANA WA ATWORI 🔸 @AtworiYa]

Above all the fake promises made by Kasongo, hii ya Murang'a ndo imenimaliza...😂

[Lawrence Kitema @lawrencekitema]

Your parents have been married for close to 30 years. You don’t see them as role models for marriage, but two social media couples who got married and divorced in less than two years are making you scared to get married. You see that you don’t have sense.

[CPA Wachira Joseph @WashiraX]

Court has warned KRA to go for real thieves, not NIL filers.

There is a company called Kapwell Enterprises Limited.

Their business is not complicated. They sell cargo clearing and forwarding services.

When they started, they had no one to show them mashimo. They only had hope and determination.

They hit the road.

2013, no deal.
2014, zero deal.
2015, no nothing.

Kazi ni kufile tu NIL returns.

As the director was busy tarmacking and accumulating tiny stones under his shoe heels,

Some crooks had stolen & were busy importing goods using Kapwell’s KRA PIN.

In 2018, Kapwell has known mashimo. They are minting real money. KRA notices.

They decided to audit.

Checking their internal customs system, they discovered that Kapwell’s PIN had imported goods worth 25M in 2013 and 2014. Yet they had filed NIL returns faithfully.

KRA went mad.

They took the 25M, added a fictitious 20% profit margin, computed income tax, VAT, penalties and interest, and slapped Kapwell with a tax bill of 11M.

Next morning at 3am, the director akagurumuka. He reached for his phone to check time. Saw an email notification. Hoping it was a client, he opened it.

Bahati mbaya, it was KRA. Delivering the bill.

Sleep ended instant.

• Lesson 1: usiku wacha simu sitting room.

At dawn, without even taking tea, he rushed to KRA to report a system error. Akaambiwa ndugu keti. He was shown mad numbers on the screen.

He swore he had never imported such goods.
KRA wakamwabia hii utalipa.

He ran to the police and reported a case of identity theft. Got an OB number. Took it back to KRA and asked them to investigate who had used his company PIN. He even gave them a list of competitors he suspected.

He then served KRA all of his bank statements. They were all zeros for those years.

But KRA could not hear any of it.

As KRA is doing all this, it is unaware of one dangerous sentence chilling quietly in Kenyan tax law.

It reads:
• KRA SHALL make inquiries into all tax issues raised by a taxpayer.

Make sure to underline the word SHALL. MANDATORY.

KRA did not investigate. Their position was:

• PIN ni yako. 11M ni yako. Lipa.

Frustrated, he ran to court.

The Tribunal asked KRA: Where is your investigation report?

- KRA said hakuna.

Tribunal invoked the one dangerous sentence. You still remember it?

• KRA SHALL make inquiries.

Tribunal ruled that the word SHALL is MANDATORY.

Tribunal concluded Kapwell was a victim of identity theft.
11M tax was set aside.

You would think that is the end. Noo.

KRA retreated to Times Tower swearing: 11M haiwezi enda hivo. Aje?

They appealed to the High Court.

In court, Kapwell was asked:
Why don’t you want to pay tax under your PIN ndugu?

He responded: My lord, I have no problem paying taxes. But not for goods I never bought, never touched, and never sold.

The good judge asked him: What do you mean?

He responded: My Lord, if you owe your landlord 100K. You take the 100k bundle to his office and hand it to him. As he starts counting, a thief storms in, orders everyone down, and in the confusion the landlord throws the money back at you. The thief grabs it and disappears. Have you paid rent or not?

The court went silent.

The judge asked him: Kapwell what are you saying?

He replied: My Lord, who should the landlord pursue for the money? You the tenant or the thief?

Judge removed his spectacles.

Paused.

Then sided with Kapwell.

The 11M tax was set aside.

KRA wakaambiwa waende watafute wezi wawalipe.

Case closed.

Lesson 2.

• KRA cannot tax a victim of identity theft.

• KRA must go for the real beneficiary thief.

[StrongManGuide @StrongManGuide]

Before my wife left me, I had:

4 cars
2 properties
2 kids

After my wife left me, I have:

2 cars
1 property
No kids

My mother already knew what was going to happen,

When I asked her how, this is what she said:

[Kawsar @Kawsar_Ai]

During a job interview, if they ask: “Do you have any questions for us?”

USE THE GOLDEN RESPONSE:

[Sholla Ard 🇰🇪 @sholard_mancity]

Safaricom removed a perfectly working M-Pesa app and forced this ‘one app’ on everyone, for what?

It keeps freezing, lagging, crashing, and can’t even search contacts properly.

Now, after the latest update, I need a SIM card on my phone just to use an app in 2026??

Did anyone even test this thing before rollout?

Nothing about this is better. Nothing.

People are just enduring it because there’s no alternative.

You can’t tell me I’m the only one dealing with this

[Arap Kimutai @LReubenlen]

@SafaricomPLC is forcing one app on us again, kindly give us options so that one can choose what he/she wants. Also Ziidi trader platform is down since Monday and nothing has been done. Kindly shed some lights on what is happening.

[AI Panda @AIPandaX]

HR: "So what’s your expected salary?"

Candidate: "100,000"

HR: "Hmm… can you go a bit lower? Our budget is around 80,000"

Candidate: "I see… can I ask something?"

HR: "Sure, go ahead"

Candidate: ↓↓↓

[Ayesha Tabassum @ayesha3920]

Most people use Gmail only to send emails.

Here are 15 hidden Gmail features you should be using to save time and work smarter

(Save this so you can easily come back to it and share it.)

[Arap Kimutai @LReubenlen]

@sinovuyo001 And they all have same EPL Titles

[Yoweri K Museveni @KagutaMuseveni]

I decided to come here to the centre where peasants live to demonstrate that it is possible.

[Arap Kimutai @LReubenlen]

@kipweldone @RobertAlai I am still wondering how this chicken survived Christmas

[Arap Kimutai @LReubenlen]

@Martinchumba12 Tell us where mama Rosa went after rising

[Arap Kimutai @LReubenlen]

@grok why is "thanks giving" trending

[Arap Kimutai @LReubenlen]

@HEBobiwine So Cheneo that we used to read in Msahiki Meya by Timothy Arege was basically Uganda!