Things chronically ill people want you to know
- We're no less sick with makeup or a nice outfit
- Working or studying isn't a sign we're better
- We've probably tried everything you can think of
- It's unpredictable so plans aren't easy
- We need to rest more, we aren't lazy
Imagine my shock as a neurodivergent teen when I first realized that using large vocabulary and eloquent speech doesn't make you less likely to be misinterpreted, rather it adds an entirely new layer of misinterpretation I had never even realized existed in the form of people thinking you're being snobbish or condescending when you're just trying to be specific
My husband just told our son, who was picking on his little sister, "it is your job as a future man to listen and respect people's boundaries. You will often be bigger than others and it is unkind to use your size against them. She said stop. You will stop."
I've never heard another man, at least in my family, say anything like that
I hope we raise good humans.
The people closest to us eventually live in the same emotional space we do.
The way we speak to ourselves rarely stays private, it becomes the tone we bring into our relationships.
Self-compassion isn’t just personal work; it’s how we stop passing our wounds on to the people we love.
one of my old psychiatrist's absolute greatest hits: the closer someone is to you, the more you treat them as you treat yourself. it's as though they eventually enter the sphere of your inner world.
we have to stop being cruel to ourselves or we will be cruel to others, in time. i don't make the rules and i don't obey them and my loved ones have paid the price.
One of the strangest side effects of chronic pain is becoming an expert in things you never wanted to learn.
You learn medication half-lives.
Insurance rules.
Medical terminology.
Prior authorizations.
Imaging reports.
Appeal processes.
Pharmacy inventory.
The difference between 10 different kinds of pain.
Meanwhile, people assume all you do is sit around thinking about being sick.
The truth is, many chronic pain patients have a part-time job they never applied for:
Managing their own healthcare.
I'm a cardiologist. A 42-year-old mother of two came to my office complaining of jaw pain and crushing fatigue. She ran half-marathons. Her EKG was normal. Another doctor had sent her home with anxiety medication.
When I got her into the cath lab, I found severe microvascular disease — plaque choking the tiniest vessels of her heart, the ones standard angiograms routinely miss.
Her heart had been starving in silence while everyone told her she was stressed.
She is alive today. Too many women like her are not.
Heart disease kills more women than every cancer combined. And medicine is still diagnosing it through a male lens.
84% of cardiologists report having patients in the past year whose heart disease was misdiagnosed by another physician. Women with a STEMI heart attack have a 59% greater chance of being misdiagnosed compared to men. Women with an NSTEMI — 41% greater chance.
The reason is structural. For decades, we screened, tested, and treated women using a template built for men.
Men's heart attacks announce themselves — the crushing chest pain, the clutched fist, the Hollywood collapse. Women's hearts whisper. Crushing fatigue that feels like wearing a lead vest. Jaw pain written off as TMJ. Nausea blamed on a stomach bug. An ache between the shoulder blades blamed on a long week. Shortness of breath blamed on being out of shape.
For years, medicine called these "atypical" symptoms. They are not atypical. They are female-typical. Half of humanity is not a variant.
And the biology runs deeper than symptoms.
Women have smaller hearts and narrower coronary arteries. Plaque doesn't only clog the big highway vessels — it hides in the microvasculature, the tiny branches feeding the heart muscle itself. A woman can have a heart attack with a completely "clean" standard angiogram.
SCAD — spontaneous coronary artery dissection — occurs 90% of the time in women. Often young, fit women with zero traditional risk factors. It's the leading cause of heart attack in women under 50, accounting for roughly one quarter of all cases in that age group. Most doctors have never diagnosed one.
And some of the most dangerous cardiac risk factors are hidden in women's medical histories where no one thinks to look:
Preeclampsia or gestational hypertension doubles to quadruples lifetime heart disease and stroke risk. Pregnancy is the body's first cardiac stress test — and these complications are early warning sirens, not closed chapters.
Autoimmune disease — lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, psoriasis — far more common in women, turbocharges inflammation and plaque formation at any age.
Cardiovascular disease in women aged 20-44 is projected to surge nearly 50% by 2050.
The youngest patients in my practice keep getting younger.
What every woman should ask her doctor — and what every doctor should be asking:
"Given my pregnancy history, autoimmune status, and family history — what is my full cardiovascular risk?" If they don't ask about preeclampsia or gestational diabetes, volunteer it.
"Should I have an Lp(a) test and a coronary calcium score?" Standard cholesterol panels miss too much. Lp(a) is genetic, one-time, and most women have never been tested.
"My tests came back normal but my symptoms haven't stopped — what's next?" Normal stress tests and angiograms can miss microvascular disease, spasm, and SCAD. Persistent symptoms warrant coronary CT angiography or cardiac MRI.
And if something feels wrong — say these exact words to your doctor: "I am concerned this could be my heart."
That single sentence changes the workup. Do not soften it. Do not apologize for it.
80% of heart disease is preventable. But the playbook has to be built for female biology.
Two decades ago, I wrote one of the first books warning that heart disease was the number one killer of women and that medicine was diagnosing it through a male lens. It was recognized by First Lady Laura Bush at the White House during the early years of the national conversation about women's heart health.
I'm haunted by how much of that book I could republish today unchanged.
The science has advanced. The awareness has grown. But the gap between what we know and what happens in the exam room is still costing women their lives.
Share this with every woman you love — and every doctor who treats them. READ MORE: https://t.co/4LRugiY8q2
@cryptoklotz My dentist said I had three cavities. I said ok, great, we will fill them next time.
Ghosted him for 3 years. Finally returned and he proudly said, “Great work! You have no cavities!”
The exact. same. guy.
🔥Yosemite National Park showing off like only Yosemite can. 🔥🌕
This rare “firefall” effect happens when the light hits the waterfall at the perfect angle, making it look like molten lava pouring off the cliff. But catching it like this is not luck alone. It takes clear skies, the right season, the right water flow, the right position, and seriously perfect timing.
Miss it by a few minutes and the magic is gone.
Nature doesn’t perform on demand.
But when it does… the whole world stops scrolling. 🏔️
@SoundDobad I know this may sound petty, but I can’t stand it when people put photoshop a meth pipe in my mouth. A crack pipe doesn’t have that little bowl at the end. This is why we can’t trust AI. Please make the appropriate edit. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Coercive control robs survivors of autonomy. Leaving doesn’t instantly restore it—it takes time, courage, and rebuilding.
#CoerciveControl#HealingJourney
3. Kill that To-Do list:
Replace it with a "Want-To-Do" list.
What actually excites you? What would you do if fear didn't exist? Write it down.
Make it real.
Hand still raised. It took way too long to learn that you don't lose people because of your boundaries; they lose you because of their repeated disrespect. No need to please others. No need to be a doormat. No need to perform. Prioritize and protect your peace. Disappoint those who don't have your best interests at heart and want you to put yourself last and do what's best for them.