I wish my thoughts at night paused before i go to sleep and resumed when I wake up. I have so many good ideas and things before I sleep and they’re all gone by the time I wake up
i told my accountant girlfriend: "One day, im going to buy you an island"
her response, "are you kidding? do you know how much property taxes are gonna be"
one time i was watching a show on my laptop, and when the lady turned off the light in her room, that exact second, exact moment, my laptop went to dark mode. i said WOAH out loud. 🍕🍕