Larry Heffley (Parody)

“Uncle” of three “not inbreds” and ashamed attendee of Heffley gatherings. This is a parody account and isn’t affiliated with Jeff Kinney or his books.

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

I shove the deodorant stick through my ass crack when I don’t want to wipe

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

Need a woman who will graze on my ass like a cow

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

Paid some bitch to eat my ass and she spat a loogie on my asshole. worst five dollars I’ve ever spent

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

My pubes have been turning white from stress

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

When I can tell I’m gonna have diarrhea I open my asshole and put in ice cubes to cool it down

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

Came for the first time in months and dust shot out all over my carpet

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

Where is pussy on the periodic table

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

Hotboxed my bedroom with farts

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

Sat Manny on the grill at the family barbecue and now he has black grill lines on his ass

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

I love global warming

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

I love when the toilet seat is warm from the person before me smearing their shit all over it

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

Tug my nipples like a freight train horn

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

Whenever I get a boner on a roadtrip I let it stick out of the sunroof of my car

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

Love bitches with Parkinson’s their dick do the Harlem shake in my mouth

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

When I shit I let it dry on my ass first so I can scrape it off with my fingernails

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

Laid on my stomach for too long and my dick fell asleep

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

Jeff Kinney should’ve drawn my dick bigger I can’t get any wimpy bitches

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

my pussy fat like an air mattress

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

She say do you love me I tell her I am farting

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

Vibrator got my pussy buzzing like epilepsy

[Larry Heffley (Parody) @LarryHeffley]

Sometimes when I’m pissing the steam comes up from the toilet and burns my eyes