LaughOutLenny

One.
Liners.

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

Giant red fish hired by NFL team, set to become long snapper.

#NFL #NFLPlayoffs #football

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

People addicted to money often find themselves at the bank going through withdrawal.

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

Wooden boards are tables that skipped leg day.

#LegDay #NewYearsResolutions

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

Bodybuilders don't wait, they buffer.

#NewYearsResolutions #bodybuilding #Bodybuildingcom

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

NYC will celebrate this New Year's at 144:00. Time's Squared.

#TimesSquare #NYC #NewYearsEve2018 #NYRE

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

Blamed for making carry-ons too large, luggage company thrown under the bus.

#holidaytravel

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

A couple of years ago I couldn't afford the electricity bill. It was a very dark period of my life.

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

SeaWorld just invented a new shampoo. It's an all-porpoise cleaner.

@SeaWorld

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

I signed the weather man's broken arm, overcast.

#weather

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

A poker game broke out on a farm.
The cow showed two pair, one behind each ear.
A pig had three of a kind on his snout.
But they all lost to a straight from the horse's mouth.

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

When the Michelin Man gets home from work, he changes attire.

@Michelin

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

Mike Tyson recently started dealing cards in Las Vegas. He runs the most profitable table, not because of fame, but because no one has the courage to say, "Hit me!"

#BoxingDay @MikeTyson

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

Santa sightings going through the roof.

#NORADTracksSanta #ChristmasEve #Santa

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

I felt a little sheepish when I got the wool pulled over my eyes.

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

I went to a reverse psychologist, he had his back to me the whole time.

#Psychology

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

The house is clean in proportion to how soon the guests are arriving.

#Holidays #Guests #HouseParty

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

Why did the rancher feed his cattle dollar bills?

Because he's raising cash cows!

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

When pigs fly, they ham it up.

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

I used to enjoy the sledding community, but it's been going downhill fast.

#winter #sledding

[LaughOutLenny @LaughOutLenny]

Is the CEO of Kraft Macaroni known as the big cheese?

@kraftmacncheese