Laura Beason

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

Chap

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

The new film version of "It" looks good.

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

What if people decorated their bathrooms with egg shells instead of sea shells? That'd be neat

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

I found the perfect bra for feasting

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

@MikePenceVP you ever smelled a dick before?

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

@govsambrownback you're a scumbag.

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

@mike_pence you're a dirt bag

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

The legend goes that the Golden Corral vampire can only be foiled by a Salisbury steak through the heart.

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

Bob Saget's dog's maggot -- courtesy of @lauradventure

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

@WendyMolyneux Your tweets are my favorite. That is no exaggeration.

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

Raise your hand if you're a white guy who loves Samuel L. Jackson.

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

@MarkDuplass You are the rich man's Ron Livingston. @realkevintyler

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

@reggiewatts @chelseaperetti ARE EITHER OF YOU SICK? Everyone at The Smell/Riot LA wants to know. I just want to see youuuu 😩😩😩

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

@HoeMALONE will you be my stepdad, you beautiful untamable stallion?

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

Having a 128 go iPhone is the closest I will ever get to feeling like a millionaire.

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

"Why do moms and dads and grown ups laugh so much?" - Little kid in the office.

He's making me question everything.

[Laura Beason @Laura_Beason]

People keep saying I look like Star Wars Rey but I'm pretty sure we're both just white girls who look like we haven't showered in a month.