Laura K Connell

Trauma-informed author & coach helping you heal childhood trauma and adult self-sabotage. Watch the free training to learn my proven process.

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

@Ohiodirk @oelma__ The accent

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

@itsrosesm All but #4

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

@Art0fThinking I don't care.

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

@AVGirl4Life twice

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

@DefiantLs

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

Toxic family members rarely say what they mean or feel. They hurl accusations and use manipulative tactics such as blaming and shaming and silent treatment. Rather than seeking to connect or understand or simply speak their minds, they aim to control and “win”.

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

Now, as an adult, when you feel peace, negative thoughts rush in to disrupt it. Your inner child believes it’s protecting you by helping you expect the worst.

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

Have you had the experience of waiting for the other shoe to drop? That’s when everything is going well but you’re bracing yourself for a disappointment ahead.

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

This is a trauma response from childhood in which it was dangerous to relax. You had to be on guard for threats, whether real or imagined, so peace felt inaccessible to you.

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

Someone raised in a healthy home will say: “I’m not feeling seen and recognized for all I do, let me set some boundaries so I’m not overgiving.”
Codependency says: “I’m not feeling seen and recognized for all I do. Let me do more."

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

So tired of Gen X saying emotional neglect made us stronger. No it didn't. It just made us tolerate too much crap because we were raised to believe our needs didn't matter.

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

Once they finally realize the futility of their efforts to make their family understand them, the scapegoat leaves to start a new life on their terms.

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

When the scapegoat leaves, it is often after a long period of gaslighting and bullying that has created a strong sense of self-loathing. This makes it difficult for the scapegoat to progress toward their goals since they have a deep-seated feeling of unworthiness.

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

Normally, you will not be let out of that role no matter how hard you try to reason with them. They do not want your truth or insight, but to keep you in the role of family sin-bearer.

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

When faced with survival or anything else, we’ll choose survival every time. This makes sense, but also separates us from ourselves and creates a people-pleasing persona.

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

Codependency develops because you have to abandon yourself and your needs to keep the relationship going. As a child, you have no choice but to prioritize the relationship over yourself because you feel you’ll die otherwise.

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

The feeling of longing for someone who cares less about you is compelling because it’s familiar. It triggers the same false promise it did with your parents: if I only try hard enough, they'll love me.

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

With an unhealed inner child, you experience any ‘no’ as a rejection of you, rather than a mismatch between your ask and what the other person needs or wants or is able to give. You’d rather avoid asking altogether which ensures you never get what you want.

[Laura K Connell @LaurakConnell]

The fear that prevents you from asking for what you want is the chance you might hear the word ‘no’. That’s because as a child, being told you couldn’t have what you wanted was so commonplace you’ve come to expect it.