lauren 🍕

she/her - I can't reach the top shelf. Married to someone who can. 🤍

Boston Bruins 🏒 Boston Fleet 🏒 Chicago Sky 🏀 Chicago Bears 🏈 Chicago Cubs ⚾️

[lauren 🍕 @LaurenIntrepid]

@nova_lazarus @EwdatsGROSS A girl at our favorite pizza place calls me Ashley so I’ll just go by Ashley until I die

[bald ann dowd @ali_sivi]

they should invent a food that sounds appetizing when it's 100 degrees outside

[Wreck It @Wreck_It_15]

This might sound woke, but I don't want the guy accused of sexual assault on my hockey team

[M🐝 @CakeMcJabe]

My lowkey favourite part of the Tkachuk trade is the inclusion of a 2029 first. There's some kid who can't even drive yet, probably cramming for his Grade 9 math exam tomorrow, and he has no clue that he just became an Ottawa Senator.

[katie @katieonleafstwt]

“no idea what four hypothetical teenagers will bring to the team but it can’t be worse than the vibes off this guy”

[Julio @JulioHashem]

Sources: The newly reunited Tkachuk brothers will both wear TKACHUK on the back of their jerseys, instead of M. TKACHUK and B. TKACHUK. Those close to the situation say it doesn’t really matter because neither of them can read.

[deli meat girlfriend @pieceofephemera]

growing up watching hockey as my primary sport has severely affected my ability to watch soccer. the players rub shins and scream out in agony meanwhile i watched dan girardi take years off his life with blocked shots and henrik lundqvist take 90mph pucks to the head for fun

[˖ Ritz 𓂀 ݁˖ @ridhima_z]

i love when doctors say "avoid stress" like i can just unsubscribe from economy and become a decorative gargoyle.

[hayls ✿ @beauboesnbarzy]

And at the end of the day, it is still and always will be:
Fuck Carter Hart.
Fuck Brett Howden.
Fuck Michael Mcleod.
Fuck Cal Foote.
Fuck Alex Formenton.
Fuck Dillion Dube.
Fuck their parents.
Fuck the judge and finally, FUCK the NHL for even allowing them back into the league.

[r @6ffside]

they really stood ten toes down for their rapist goalie only for him to make history with the worst goaltending performance the stanley cup finals have ever seen

[Himbo President 🇵🇸 @himbopresident]

It's a small thing but Carter Hart going down in history as the worst goalie in the history of the Stanley Cup finals is so beautiful

[kate 🥅 @pwhlsapphics]

my new “at least i’m not doing coke” is “at least i’m not into sports betting”

[Casey @dollardawgs]

MLB is looking significantly less gay than last year 😔

(All 30 MLB teams categorized by pride month activities on Twitter)

[Collin @CollinTheMint]

Reminder that Carter Hart received a sexual act (BY HIS OWN ADMISSION) from a woman who did not consent, and then lied on the stand about it in a court of law. He’s a rapist, and fuck him, the Knights, and every team who considered signing him, Canes included

[hayls ✿ @beauboesnbarzy]

So either a r*pist goalie and his POS enabler buddy get the cup or it goes to the team that tried to sign the main perpetrator and has another one of the 5 signed on their affiliate team... don't ever fucking tell me that allegations ruin men's lives again.

[claire de lune @ClaireMPLS]

i’m just gonna say it: some of yall aren’t qualified for self checkout. if you don’t have an internal sense of urgency and fine motor skills, leave it to the professionals cause the rest of us are trying to keep it pushin

[⁸⁵Alicia³² @Alicia_kizzy]

A rapist has the chance to win the Stanley cup and you’re going to sit here and tell me that accusations ruin men’s lives

[maybe: sasha @goalietaps]

toothless misogynist jack hughes

[nico hoerner's concussion @extrainnnings]

anyone want to join me