Lazarus

i’m very easy to deal with if nobody does anything i dislike

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

i've been weaponizing agreeableness as a romantic deterrent and it works like you wouldn't believe

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

fixed my garbage disposal without calling anyone. might be the most powerful man alive

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

@starruphoria i’m counting your days

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

my fortune cookie had no fortune inside…

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

@c0cochloe you should do my job too while you’re at it so i can nap

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

tell me why i stayed up all night when i have to work today

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

@imSaichowdary_ @grok it separates the side you use to dry your face and the side you use to dry your balls

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

@kafkaswyfe just wait til i smack that big mouth of yours

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

one day i’m going to own a hallway so long it becomes inconvenient

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

@k4t4r1n4a i used to roll around in the mud and once ate a catepillar

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

@kafkaswyfe wow, big shot over here

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

just saw a raccoon carrying one of those giant pretzels. ngl i got a little jealous

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

i'm not nosy but if you say “never mind” we now have a situation

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

@kafkaswyfe alright maybe you knew what you were doing here

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

@kafkaswyfe add a black dress to this

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

@vivi1369267 i’m rounding that up to a big yes

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

@vivi1369267 almost sounds like you missed me

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

@kikyoni a free trip to hawaii might convince me

[Lazarus @Lazarusgyka]

i think monday should be optional for people who had a really good weekend