goddesszila

godzila's sis 🇰🇪

[goddesszila @Lekye_]

All day

[🦋 fairy 🧚‍♂️ @thisdecfairy]

the untold stories of dad joke survivors:

[Osama Novara @osama_novara]

Mpaka Elon musk eldest nigga son anauma below minimum. Hii lazima tufike court

[Nyaga_9️⃣ @Nyaga_9]

Alafu wazazi, hizi birthdays huwa mnaleta shule nataka mniskize na mniskize vizuri.

Birthday sio mbaya. Sina shida na cake, balloons ama mtoto kufurahia siku yake. Lakini kabla ugeuze classroom ikae venue ya ruracio, kuna vitu nataka ujue.

Administration hawaezi kataa juu wanataka clients wao wakue happy. Lakini sisi ndio tuko ground. Sisi ndio tunabaki na consequences.

Kwanza, birthday ya mtoto mmoja huleta excitement kwa dakika 20 na drama ya wiki mbili.

Mtoto mmoja akiletewa cake, kesho mwingine anauliza mbona yeye hajawai letewa. Mwingine anarudi home akiwa convinced wazazi wake hawampendi. Sasa mwalimu anajipata akifundisha Mathematics na family therapy wakati mmoja.

Halafu kuna hii tabia ya kuleta cake ya watoto 8 kwa class ya watoto 47.

Unataka tugawanye aje? Hii ni classroom ama miracle crusade?

Na tafadhali msilete balloons 30 kwa class halafu mnataka learning iendelee normally.

Ukiona watoto wakitazama ceiling kama wameona UFO, ujue lesson imeisha rasmi.

Alafu kuna wale wazazi wanafika na photographer, videographer, ring light na confidence ya mtu anazindua bypass.

Brother, ni Grade 2 birthday. Sio uchaguzi mdogo.
Na ukweli wenye hakuna mtu anasema...
Shule si birthday venue.

Shule ilijengwa watoto wajifunze. Birthday ni bonus, sio programme ya siku.

Mkitaka kufanya party kubwa, fanyeni nyumbani, church, hotel ama kwa shamba ya babu.

Juu mwisho wa siku, birthday inaisha saa tano.
Lakini syllabus bado iko hapa ikitusubiri kama deni ya Fuliza.

Sincerely,
Mwalimu ambaye alikuja kufunza fractions lakini akaishia kukata tukwota twingi twa cake sio poa. 📷
Kama ukona maoni tofauti yaletee

Credits: Lyn Maina

[Waltez @_jambaqaSnr]

"tunadai kuingia apa tao tufanye ma one two, tukuache wapi G?"

[yujiro @Yusto680876]

Si ni wewe nilitibu kifafa ukapelekea pastor ndama?

[🐝 @beha_hun]

Who would’ve thought that forcing ads every 15 minutes would make young people look for ad-free alternatives?

[💗 @dumbtwttt]

A 24-year-old man fought off six armed men with a hammer to protect 37 sleeping orphans at faraja children's home in kenya. This is anthony omari

[GaGa Haber @gagahaberyeni]

Bir kadın, "Çok fazla örgü örüyorsun" diyen kocasını da ördü.

[𝐌𝐳𝐢𝐳a🍋‍🟩 @Mziza_23]

Ukianza “so nisipo kutext uezi nitext ujue mwendo umeumaliza”

[Son of a Farmer. @mutange_vin]

REMINDER
Stand with indeginous seeds.

[Weeh Mzee™ @weehmzeee]

Hii karibu inipite😂😂

[𝒆𝒏𝒙𝒄𝒉 @EN0CX]

He pulled off the smoothest Crip Walk I’ve ever seen. He might have even done it better than Snoop Dogg. 🔥😂

[𝓔𝓵𝓮𝓷𝓪 @elioralux]

A few years ago, my friends invited me on a ski trip.

I declined.

Couldn't afford it.

One of them immediately said:

"Come anyway."

I said no again.

He kept pushing.

Finally I admitted the truth:

"I have $43 in my bank account."

Nobody replied.

The group chat went silent.

A few minutes later one friend sent $50.

Then another sent $20.

Then another.

By the end of the night there was enough money for the trip.

I felt terrible.

I told them I'd pay everyone back.

One friend replied:

"Don't."

Another said:

"Just do it for somebody else when it's your turn."

That was 8 years ago.

I've paid for plane tickets.

Covered rent.

Bought groceries.

Helped people who never knew the story.

And honestly...

the most valuable thing my friends gave me wasn't the money.

It was the chance to stop feeling ashamed for needing help.

[6ɪx✦ @ok6ixx]

my grandma has been lying about not knowing how to use her phone for THREE YEARS. every time we visited she'd hand it to me like a helpless baby and say "sweetheart i don't understand this thing." i'd fix whatever and feel like a good grandson. last month my cousin caught her on a facebook live selling handmade quilts to 847 people with ring lighting and a PayPal link in the comments. she has a whole persona. her name is "Grandma Betty Stitches" and she has more followers than me. she looked at my cousin and said "don't tell the boys, they like feeling useful."

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

Sounds like a nice Friday night.

[Dr. Priyam Bordoloi @DocPriyamMD]

Instead Focus on acting F.A.S.T. to save their brain cells:

F - Face: Ask them to smile. Does one side droop?
A - Arms: Ask them to raise both arms. Does one drift downward?
S - Speech: Ask them to repeat a simple phrase. Is it slurred or strange?
T - Time: If you see any of these, call emergency services immediately. Note the exact time symptoms started.

[Dr. Priyam Bordoloi @DocPriyamMD]

You suspect a family member is suddenly having a STROKE. Which common first aid step could actually KILL them?

​A) Laying them flat on their back
B) Giving them an Aspirin to chew
C) Elevating their legs
D) Loosening their tight clothing

​Bonus: WHY?

[Chemusar🇰🇪🇵🇹 @Chemusar7]

An avocado raised by both parents be like:

[⚖️Preston @pr3stonK]

In our prime, tungekuwa tushasalimia hao Mps who absconed the voting 2026 Finance Bill