Nicholas Lemon

Only on here so that the government can keep tabs on me with one more social media account.

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

@YZR_Fantasy Visanthe Shiancoe
Felix Jones
Shawn Merriman
Nathan Vasher
Joe Webb
John David Booty
Gus Frerotte
Bernard Berrian

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

@Vikings This gives off some big "my parents are getting divorced" vibes.

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

@BSSportsbook Donte Stallworth, Wes Welker, Mike Wallace

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

@BSSportsbook Michael Crabtree

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

Me: *Steals plastic bag from work bench"
Coworker: "You come all the way over here for a plastic bag?"
Me: "It's the only one big enough to fit over my head."

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

Do you think we would have less school shootings if we made people who wanted a gun drive a state or two away to get a gun? Is there some sort of legislation we could propose to do that? Ya know, like we did with abortions?

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

@AlainaToTheMax Hey wanted take you aware of a radio lab episode dedicated to Dr. Oliver Sacs who you mentioned in your "Spooky New Orleans" episode. He was a huge resource for the podcast @Radiolab. Amazing human being. RIP.
https://t.co/20NLsLhXAw

[Yawns in Lawyer @SunnyEaton]

I have decided to forgive my own student loans. Peace be with you.

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Roger Goodell Told Eminem NOT To Take A Knee During The Halftime Show And Marshall Mathers Told Him To Go Fuck Himself https://t.co/CUSncnhLjV

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

@paigegoesgreen No

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

@geeezjess When I was like 16 my mom and her husband were getting a new bed, and when the people from HOM or wherever were bringing it in my mom's husband looks at me and my brother and said, "yeah, your mom and I broke the last one".

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

@hotarugula I can only assume the progession would be to adoptable houses?

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

I shouldn't even be allowed to text a picture of the schedule to my employees. The amount of open shifts makes me so sick that it has to be considered explicit content.

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

Is this me bragging, complaining or trying to convince people that read my tweets that our health system is absolutely fucked?

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

Just thinking about how my mom said I shouldn't be apart of the interview for our new lab manager last week, but I was. Also I was 1 of 5 people in the interview and helped pick who should be the other 2 that weren't me, the regional lab director or our labs technical specialist.

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

@paigegoesgreen That's me except at Starbucks and caribou

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

Nurse with her bs today: hey at least it's job security, right?
Me with mine: lmfao not if I quit!

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

Only @paigegoesgreen would be able to keep a straight face while the worker at the farmers market asks her what she plans to do with her sunflower while I'm in the background saying, "your mom is a hoe" to it... I was just helping her roast it.

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

@paigegoesgreen Wait. You're going to can popcorn next?

[Nicholas Lemon @Lemy_Boy]

@paigegoesgreen I know you do sweaty