Lexie Mallow

Just a goblin.

Views my own... but that should be goblious.

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

"A white person rushing to do racial justice work without first understanding the impacts, uses, and deceptions of their own whiteness is like an untrained person rushing into the ER to help the nurses and doctors." We must do better. #BlackLivesMattter
https://t.co/y9Z3KvVD5D

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

On the bright side, we're all gonna be so much funnier after this.

[KNICKS IN 5💙🧡💙🧡💙🧡 @alsostephenking]

sleepy joe you’ve got two months. go crazy. eliminate all student debt. legalize marijuana. make tampons and condoms free. ban cybertrucks. shit in the oval office’s air vent. kidnap barron. the world is your oyster buddy

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

Are horses okay?

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

@KarenKilgariff & @MyFavMurder this is kinda old, but y'all need to see if u haven't already: https://t.co/D1oPDO0RoU

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

I want the music from #AllQuietOnTheWesternFront to play every time I enter a room #Oscars #Oscars2023

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

How can I understand Inception, but not daylight savings?

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

Garth. Garth is the worst name.

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

I don't like what this says about me, but I know all of the songs @Delta plays on the plane during boarding.

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

Every few months I get a spam email for "Marcia" which is funny bc my last name is "Mallow"

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

Is everybody else making fart noises with their hands in the air dryers or just me?

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

How to say "gonna dip out early because I'm ENRAGED" professionally?

[National Park Service @NatlParkService]

To avoid crowds, visit areas that are less crowded.

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

I don't ever want to know how many cat hairs I've unwittingly ingested.

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

NYC isn't so much the 'city that never sleeps' as it is 'the city that stays up past 8pm'

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

Joe Biden has the same intonation as Chief Powhatan (in the Disney movie, not irl).

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

If men defended women half as much as they defend the athleticism of Nascar drivers, we'd live in another world.

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

Can the ghost emoji be serious for ONCE?

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

If you're wondering what rejection-sensitive-dysphoria is like:
I just spiraled into self-destruction because I tried for a seat on the subway and someone got there before me. 💃💃💃

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

I chose the wrong (92-degree) day to bring hardboiled eggs for lunch.

[Lexie Mallow @LexieMal]

Is everyone having more fun than me, or do I just not post to the grid?