lexie

batteries not included :/ (she/they)

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

why aren’t more people afraid of birds? birds ALWAYS have the advantage. can you fly? are you very fast???? is your mouth a sharp stabby Instrument of fear????? I didn’t fucking think so

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

For Sale: Baby gym; never swole :(

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

Once again thinking about this sweatshirt, which describes how the Bills make me feel:

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

Me: What’s that movie — I know there are several, but like, the most famous one— where someone tries to kill someone else and steal their life & identity?
Elliott: [serenely] The Santa Clause

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

just got gaslit by my gas light (ran out of gas two (2) minutes after it went on) 😎👍🏻

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

@maddikaigh 1- 🥹
2- tell them the pj masks kids got grounded for leaving the house after bedtime & there are no more new episodes :/
3- top tier Bluey starter pack: Born Yesterday (Jackson’s favorite) Grannies (so quotable & silly) Bad Mood & Keepy Uppy (easy to recreate in real life!)

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

how many episodes before someone says a slur?

[The Golden Bachelor @GoldenBachABC]

It’s never too late to fall in love 💛. #TheGoldenBachelor is coming to ABC this fall. Stream on Hulu.

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

Tucker Carlson is leaving Fox News :(
should I get my dad a sympathy card?

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

@calizforniadrm thank u 💛

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

you’re telling me the SUN dried these tomatoes?????

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

free soloing is the name for the crying you do the week your therapist is on vacation

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

Thomas the Tank Engine is an apex predator

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

was Casper on the Hindenburg??? is that how he died????

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

I’m having an 1/8 life crisis. yeah, you read that right, I’m gonna live to be 200.

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

@CameronPothier oh crap

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

okay so if it’s supposed to take 10,000 hours or whatever to become an expert at something, how long until you’re just like ,, good-ish? can we agree on like,, 5?? i would also allow 6 or 7 but 8 hours is pushing it

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

inside of you there are two wolves. one wolf is redecorating your living room. the other wolf is also redecorating your living room. they Do Not see eye to eye.

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

the coconut mall music came on while I was at JC Penney and now I am in mall jail for throwing a turtle at a child

[lexie @Lexie_Lynne]

me, 7 years old, listening and nodding emphatically to every single word of Goodbye Earl by @thechicks: