Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice.

if you need a little sunshine, you can borrow some of mine.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

I am just an empty shell of a human who used to work at summer camp, and will never again be whole.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

@mountain_goats my husband will cry beautiful sweet tears if you play golden boy peanuts tonight, I’ll join.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

Petition for @GretaVanFleet to record a cover of The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. It’s only fitting. Give the Michiganders what they want!
#gretavanfleet

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

I don’t super want another pandemic, but I could really go for another nationwide lockdown. Stuck in the house all day? Yes please.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

@jill66jordan @pulte Executives often make more than 600% of what their lower level employees make. Executives can get their pay cut a bit in order to retain employees. Don’t fall for the narrative you’ve been fed.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

I want Cutthroat Kitchen Junior. I want to see four 8 year olds absolutely destroy one another AND figure out how to budget. Both very important lessons.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

Hey boomers, can you do that thing where you crash the housing market again?
I would like to purchase one for pocket change.
Thanks in advance.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

@BradH8sThisTown Ah yes, the pressure of company is the best motivator for an ADHD cleaning spree.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

While Jeff Bezos is donating to charity, could he pay off my student loans?
Any escape from this soul-crushing career would be life changing. Also being able to participate in the economy would be nice.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

Ya’ll are getting pregnant? In THIS economy?

Yikes

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, fuck Betsy DeVos. She and her family’s money can get fucked.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

@cate8cate Tula Cult Classic! I have mixed hormonal and cystic acne. It is EXPENSIVE but it’s what I used to wean off of my prescription face wash (insurance stopped covering it). It is the BEST thing I have ever used. They also have an acne line but I have never used it.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

Kris Jenner is looking more and more like Michael Jackson each day.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

Lots of people coming out as anti-Semitic lately.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

The holidays are coming. I cannot stress enough that the women in your life do not need more lotion.

[patryc🌹dad/daddy🔞 @_patryc_]

in 1920 we took children out of the coal mines

in 2020, the most popular video game on the market is minecraft.

the children yearn for the mines

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

Not to be an old person but I want the days back that I could call a salon and get in the very same day. Literally every salon in the very small town I live in are booked for weeks.
I just want to have a break-down haircut

[MISSION TO ZYXX @MissionToZyxx]

Beano know.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

Ew. The “my heart is broken for our home away from home” Northerners who vacation/own vacation homes in Florida gross me out. Like sorry your third house flooded, dude.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

2 of my 3 older siblings have dyslexia and they all hate reading. Imagine my mother’s surprise when the scholastic book fair came around, and first grade me CARED and WANTED MONEY FOR IT.

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

@BradH8sThisTown The wedding needed just a little *spice* you know?

[Read these tweets in Griffin McElroy’s voice. @LilNibbles]

If you didn’t whisper Mountain Goats lyrics into each other’s ears at your wedding, did you even really get married?