Linguine O’Brien

[Freddy Doubles @freddydoubles]

The guy at the store said I’m the only guy he’s ever seen pull it off

[500 🏎 @Kameron_Hay]

This might be the funniest tweet and video combination ever

[clifford carmichael @former_gcup]

This is a really good idea

[pika capital @pikacap]

“Ah, gotcha! You’re absolutely right. It sounds like he was trying to murder you. Typically when someone is charging at you with a knife, that’s not a friend — that’s a potential killer. Would you like me to prepare a list of potential next steps? Just say the word.”

[matt @mattybtweets69]

Roommate denied drinking my milk even though he’s the only one with the stigmata and there’s blood all over the carton

[Steven Hyden @Steven_Hyden]

It’s not a song it’s a little ditty

[Evan @evanjmader]

sending a girl a picture of me and another girl and saying “us”

[Definitely Nick @other_st_nick]

Between this and weekend as a 28 year old in Chicago he’s earned the right to direct a full length movie

[jesse @jess_eortiz]

Imagining a guy who has a pied-à-terre on Staten Island

[Matt Bevan @MatthewBevan]

Filling out the census. Keen on a more frequent bus service near my place so I’m saying there are 70,000 people living in my house.

[Scott Hughes @ScottHughesCBB]

Auburn star Tahaad Pettiford on NIL misconceptions:

“I’m blessed to receive money to play sports, but that doesn’t make me rich and privileged. Half of my NIL goes to taxes. And then Coach Pearl gets us to donate a bunch to charities like AIPAC. That money can dry up fast, man.”

[Mini Modu @MinModulation]

theyre just showing him AI videos all day

[richard @Dickwith2dogs]

" can I bring my mate back to the party he's sound? " The mate..

[descriptive display name that is way too long and @mrgracemugabe]

Becoming an air traffic controller and every time there’s the slightest problem I tell the pilot to land in the Hudson

[Cam @harleybaghdad]

Where am i supposed to live? The store?

[jake rhodes @jakebrodes]

Shop wanna charge 2 grand for front and rear brakes hell nah player I got a better idea I will buy all the parts and watch YouTube and then break my car completely then kill myself.

[miles @milesdotgov]

Anthony Bourdain: fuck, that’s yummy. That’s really fucking yummy in my tummy, man.

[Λ @3VIN0]

re-wearing clothes ❌
paying homage to yourself ✅

[☁Baby Blastoise☁ @PatsOnYaBack]

Bro wat lmao