Lincoln

Be Great|#4Demarcus

[Juan Arango @JuanG_Arango]

For YEARS people in the US soccer media killed me for saying this. Now their mainstream is saying it. One paid a terrible price for speaking the truth, but the truth is finally out.

[Jason Mikula @mikulaja]

Over the course of a year, Americans are more likely to place a gambling bet than read a single book. Seems fine! (via @TheAtlantic) —

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.

Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.

My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.

Called the county clerk.

Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.

Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?

Me: Yes, but he's a cat.

Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?

Me: He's a legal cat.

Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.

Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.

Clerk: You can file on his behalf.

Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."

Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."

Me: What's the medical reason?

Clerk: He's a cat.

Me: That's not a medical condition.

Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.

Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.

"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."

Took the letter to my vet.

Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.

Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?

Me: Excellent question. No good answer.

Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.

Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?

Vet: On what grounds?

Me: He's a cat.

Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."

Me: Perfect.

Sent it in. Got another rejection.

"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."

My roommate thought this was hilarious.

Roommate: Felix is going to jail.

Me: This is serious.

Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.

Decided that was actually the only option left.

Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.

Checked in at the courthouse.

Clerk: Name?

Me: Felix Martinez.

Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?

Me: Yes.

Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.

Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.

Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?

Me: I filed three. All rejected.

Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.

Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?

Me: Twice.

Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.

Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.

Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?

Me: You tell me.

Supervisor: This is a data error.

Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.

They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.

Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.

Me: Appreciate it.

Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?

Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.

Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.

For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.

Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.

Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.

Roommate: That's what they all say.

Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.

Fitting end to his legal career.

[FactPost @factpostnews]

The Trump administration has released a 162-page report berating the Smithsonian as "radical" and demanding museums revise their coverage of:

—Systemic racism
—The gender pay gap
—Women's suffrage
—The overturning of Roe v. Wade
—DACA
—LGBT rights
—The Founding Fathers owning slaves
—Christopher Columbus and colonization
—Anti-gun violence protests
—Police brutality
—Racial discrimination in schools

[Matt Binder @MattBinder]

a lot of people who claim to love this country actually just love capitalism and that they personally attained wealth through it

there’s no love for what actually unites America. there is zero civic pride. no care for the common good.

they don’t love the U.S. they love the USD.

[Daniel Pearson @DPearsonPHL]

Btw lalas supporting the current system is basically proof that it doesn’t work. Thierry Henry and Zlatan Ibrahimovic would never have had the money to pay for the American system. So we are stuck with players like Lalas and Pulisic as a result of this exclusion.

[Shane Ryan @ShaneRyanHere]

People will think I'm crazy for this take, but I'm a big believer in the psychological impact of narratives on teams. Yes, Belgium looked so much better tonight and we looked lost. But this team had a boatload of good vibes behind them, and in the last 48 hours that vanished, and replacing it was a story of implicit political corruption that turned them into the bad guys, or at least the beneficiary of the corruption. You can't tell me that doesn't put pressure on the team, change the vibe, and take a psychological toll that impacted what happened on the field. American fans, serious and casual, should be pissed at this interference. We overturned a red card and our reward was losing what made this team so much fun until now.

[(not) NOT jackson @JacksonFromTwit]

“me local pub is tree huntred and sixchy foor years old”

[Boppa 🧟‍♂️ @ihatebbls]

Some of these 3rd+ string WRs playing CFB that’s never sniffing the league need to scrap that shit and hit the pitch we need that edge on the squad

[Boppa 🧟‍♂️ @ihatebbls]

That shit cool and all but ain’t a soul on Belgium meeting Derrick Henry in the A gap in the middle of december

[Lincoln @Linxs15]

JB gone, USA dog walked… Lord forgive me for the week ahead

[24kGoldn @24kGoldn]

Bitches be wearing Mexico jerseys like their boyfriend ain’t cry when Charlie Kirk died

[Lincoln @Linxs15]

Exceptionally good work

[Erling Haaland @Erling]

Well well well 😂

[BrooklynDad_Defiant!☮️ @mmpadellan]

This clip, from Larry David's new show "Life, Larry, and the Pursuit of Unhappiness" is one of his FUNNIEST ever.

Awesome to have Rob Reiner as George Washington in possibly one of his final on-screen performances.

Cameo by Kimmel is chef's kiss.
RIP, Rob Reiner.

[Rich Condon @RichardPCondon]

It’s a hot one out there today.

Stay hydrated.

[penny @xXMeatGodXx]

are you wiping what im shitting?

[Fred Wellman @FPWellman]

China added over 543 Gigawatts to their grid last year. 434 GW was renewables because they are faster to build. The U.S. added a paltry 53 GW. We are losing the “AI race” to China because these idiots hate green energy. This is suicide by stupid.

[Boston @BostonMassUSA]

'He didn't just play for Boston. He embraced communities like Dorchester, Roxbury, and Mattapan. He showed up at schools, basketball clinics, community events, and youth programs. He spoke about educational equity, invested in young people, and consistently used his platform to support Black youth in Boston. It reminded me of the kind of community connection that made Reggie Lewis so beloved here.'

[Jim Stewartson, Decelerationist 🇨🇦🇺🇦🇺🇸 @jimstewartson]

Uh. The White House is officially elevating the Confederacy to be part of American “unity.”

This is Robert E. Lee SURRENDERING.

The treason of this government is endless and must be put down like the last rebellion.

[Per Sources @PerSources]

This is the worst day of my life and I had cancer