Rebecca Beach

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

Check out Finimize; daily jargon-free financial news. https://t.co/wI22hMSR9k

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

Have you ever seen a grown woman drinking water out of a baby bottle??It’s exactly how you think it looks. 😳#nowI’veseenitall

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

Juror video is on point! I’m shocked that the lady next to me won’t interrupt her rockin’ Candy Crush game to enjoy it. #juryduty #mke #civicduty

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

I’ve never been around such happy people... it’s like the DMV is having a mandatory party for all those that have severe RBF. #juryduty #mke #patriot

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

Me (as I look sleepily at my children and husband): can we all just promise to sleep in our own beds and not snore tonight?!
My 7-year-old: I’m not a fairy. I can’t grant your wishes!
#kids #cantdenythat #sotired #whyIcantsleep #whoneedssleep?!

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

Me: I think you just need to let #illnesses run their course.
Also me: It’s #Easter. Give me whatever it takes for me to keep #food in #mybody because there is a #reeses #peanutbutter egg with my name on it!

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

When someone says that the #Flash from #JusticeLeague reminds them of you, it’s a compliment, right?!

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

Me: I don’t know why they had to bring over FOUR desserts!?
Seven-year-old: Mom, it’s American culture...
Me: 🙄

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

Me: I’ll have a vodka seltzer, please.
Waiter: That’s what my mom drinks!
Me: Okaaaaaaay. 🙄

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

My kid: Mom! We made a bunch of centers in the living room: there’s a drawing center, a reading center, animals... I know which one you’d you’d like best! Drawing center!! Wait. No. Eating Center is definitely going to be your favorite.
Me: 🙄... ok, true.

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

Me (leaving the house): Alexa, play music for my dog.
Alexa: Here is something you may like... playing Van Halen station.
Me: Never would have guessed... Rock on, Mister! ✊

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

‘Compliments’ I wish my kids did NOT give me today:
“I like to snuggle you because you’re so soft”
“I like pushing your squishy belly”
“You smell good... better than a fart”
“I know you don’t move the elf since he’s always in dumb spots”
“I’m going to hug your thick legs”
👍

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

“Why can’t you trust a gun?”
“Because they shoot the shit!”
- my seven-year-old

😳🤔😆

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

Christmas shopping as a parent = finding something that in a few short weeks you take away as punishment.

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

You know Thanksgiving is over when your kid says “why does it look like there’s a baby in your belly?”
😳
He was never my favorite.
😂

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

When you are at a #StarWars thing and your mom keeps calling people “Trekkies”... 🙄
#disney #theyaredifferent #evenIknowthat #maytheforcebewithyou

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

Pretty sure we’re the only family that comes to #florida for a week and doesn’t get a tan... #overplanningisinourgenes #funavoidingthesun #vacation #disney

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

Server: you don’t like your drink?
My kid: it’s okay but it tastes like alcohol...
Me: 😳
Server: 😳
Me: 😬
Server: 👍
Me: so, I’ll have a vodka seltzer...

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

A mom (yelling) “who wants a free kid?!”
My kid: “can I see her?!”
Me: 😳

[Rebecca Beach @LiquidCasserole]

New #Florida parenting style: “Don’t do ______ because an alligator could eat you.” #lifelessonsyoudon’tgetinwisco