Many years ago our long time pastor at first Baptist in Houston asked my husband to become a deacon at our church. Keith declined, replying that, sorrowfully, he was not the kind of man a deacon should be.
I’ve thought about it a thousand times through the years. Thought about how he had more character than 10,000 others who would not blink an eye to accept such a visible role in the church only to bring their untreated carnality and arrogance, their unrepentant dissensions and rivalries to the service of the church, masquerading as pious, no few hiding their unquenchable lusts and pornographic addictions.
I thought about it Sunday as I witnessed the deacon ordination of a dear brother at my church who had completed many hours of preparation through formal courses and training and as I heard the solemn promises he was making and saw him sign a document before our congregation and watched his wife put on his vestments face-to-face with him as a reminder, our bishop explained, that his ministry as deacon first began with serving her. It was so meaningful and moving. I believed my brother. I believe he will flourish in his service to the church.
I say all this because of the seriousness I saw in my husband many years ago when he declined this office. I say all this because of the seriousness I saw in my dear brother two days ago as he accepted this office.
I say this because of how comparatively little weight many of us seem to attach to being in leadership positions in our churches. I think perhaps Keith might have shown more maturity in his refusal than God alone knows how many others in their hasty acceptance.
These words come from a very flawed woman who has been forgiven and delivered from much sin. And, in large part, because of the resultant woefully painful seasons of divine discipline over my sins, one who also wonders how on earth we who are in Christian leadership roles think we can get away with our unrepentant duplicities.
I wonder how we are getting away with this if we are meeting in earnestness with the Lord on a regular basis. Are we bringing to him our confessions of sins of pride and greed and lust and covetousness and hatred and discord? I have questions because of the trouble and heartache I’ve met with my own disobedience. I ultimately didn’t have enough tenacity to resist conviction. How do we bear the withdrawal of Christ’s fellowship as we continue unrepentant in our sins against him and our brothers and sisters in Christ and our neighbors?
This exposure we’re constantly seeing will not stop. Christ has come for his church. He will refine her with fire. We pray our usual prayers and we sing our favorite songs and we read our favorite scriptures to use against our favorite foes and attend all our services. So often we do all the things. All the things but what the Head of the church is waiting for. Repentance.
Repentance that we — that I — have thought so little of him. So little of his words. So little of who we are — and I of who I am — in him.
He stands at the door and knocks.
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