Liz Bell

Mom to two gorgeous girls and general pain in the ass.

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

@iamcardib

[🫗 @balencibelt]

Instagram and Facebook went down and McDonald’s thought they were safe #facebookdown

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

Whaaaaaat?!?

[Benjamin 🇬🇧🇺🇸 @BProudPatriot]

So, someone deleted large sections of the routing....that doesn't mean Facebook is just down, from the looks of it....that means Facebook is GONE.

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

@hardjive @yashar @Sethrogen He also had a very public argument with 'Today' show scumbag Matt Lauer. https://t.co/72QBIXdRFc

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

Wait. Have we regressed back to medieval peasants?? All we do is bake bread, revolt, and avoid plagues!

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

If the Powerball has taught me anything, it’s how to turn $200 into $4.

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

Welcome to your 40’s; everyone looks twelve now.

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

Pizza won’t solve all your problems but you gotta start somewhere...

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

I’ve heard vaccinated people can now gather in groups of 8 with no issues...
but I don’t think I know 8 people with no issues.

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

ALMOST had the girls convinced I was cool. Then I got excited about our new, fancy trashcan. Now I’m not sure I believe me.

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

Thank you @Lin_Manuel You made my little girl walk pretty tall today.

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

My youngest was doing her social studies and asked ‘who wrote the bill of rights?’ I started screaming James Madison because I could see Oak saying ‘which I wrote’. I’ve never been more proud of myself. Thanks @Lin_Manuel #Hamilton

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

“once COVID is over” is starting to sound a lot like “once my kids clean their rooms.”

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

Don't drink and wrap presents. Also, if anyone gets a remote control for Christmas, I'm going to need that back...

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

I love October because you can buy 60 Snickers, 48 beers, a hockey mask, chainsaw, 30 large garbage bags and the cashier doesn’t even acknowledge it.

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

Not really sure what I did wrong to get targeted ads for pants with underwear sewn in.

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

My mask fell off while I was in the store and now I think I know how Janet Jackson felt at the Super Bowl.

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

You know what’s also uncomfortable? Pants! But I still wear them in public, not for me but for others!

[Liz Bell @LizBellRadio]

My elderly neighbor just told me she is going to a “sex party.” After some delicate questioning, I figured out she’s going to a gender reveal party. #ThatGotWeirdFast