The DC Liz Newman

Bananas are the worst. Seriously. They are still the worst.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

Sitting in the liquor store parking lot singing to Wilson Phillip’s Hold On. Embarrassing my child. This is almost 41.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@oldenoughtosay Some folks in like at a Starbucks in 2012 saw that happen to me and I like to think it was educational for all of us because heck if I knew alien moving in me was in fact a reality.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@shylyassertive During my first background interview, the OPM investigators acted confused why my waitressing experience wasn’t on my resume for my federal attorney job. I assume one of them is behind this.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@LadyVoldemort09 @mewilson46 Ha. We had one like that around the corner and yes, yes that seemed to be their business model.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@zillowgonewild Why does the tile to hardwood pattern make me dizzy?

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

Honestly, when I figured this out, I had a lot more sympathy for mine, so there’s that.

[Elsa Williams @williamspidge]

You should be able to take your dad to an autism assessment for Father’s Day. A bit like how you’d treat your mother to a full body massage, or an afternoon tea

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

Maybe Judge Glanville has also been binging Suits?

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@earlsofrisk Honestly finding some savings bonds in Waterfall sounds exactly right.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@earlsofrisk Can you EVEN imagine if one of us had just misplaced something for almost thirty years? Let alone savings bonds? The horror.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@JasonMiyaresVA Do you feel safe from your own farts, because you have resting smelled your own farts face.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@CecereCarl @gokpkd It was the beware that made me chuckle. I picture him announcing his thoughts from his window. Beware…I don’t like nice things!

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@marthalogans Once more clarifying: I am not the sister here.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@SamSacks Ours goes to old Bay Watch reruns? Somehow I’d like Dr Quinn for a change.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@SussexHenryVIII And to be clear I abhor the whole cancer warrior/soldier BS but she really could work miracles for mothers with cancers, especially cancers that so inherently alter your life with your kids and husband.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@SussexHenryVIII By trajectory I mean her narrative isn’t that of a person w/ab cancers UNLESS you absolutely defy medical advice as to therapies, surgeries, recovery…I myself have disregarded a lot of that but there’s still the necessity of having an ab wall, working digestive or repro system…

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@thejenlife I did https://t.co/xpX5FBcqW7 for awhile and really enjoyed it. Good variety and always one thing that I hadn’t tried before.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@SteamboatUSA I have no idea how divorce works where that asshole may live, but I hope in this case it includes throwing that man off the mountain.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@earlsofrisk I very much yelled at our party: my sister is gonna love this.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

@slwein I get these sorts of things all the time and it’s a real crap shoot as to how people respond when I kindly say “hey not it.” The best was someone arguing they were more famous than me (which like could be anyone) and thus I owed them to trade gmail addresses.

[The DC Liz Newman @LizNewmanSnook]

My sole remaining interaction with this hellsite is to respond “he strapped his dog to the roof of the family car for 12 hours in the winter, once it started shitting he hosed it down, then put it back on the roof” every time someone tweets about Romney being a good person.