Lizzie Cross

They say you should dress for the job you want. I want to be Liz Lemon, so it's looking pretty grim. (she/her)

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

As a working parent who never leaves my house, I have to chuckle at the term "stay-at-home mom." If ever asked, I plan to say "yes, I stay home. The baby leaves every day."

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

@RottenInDenmark Before reading the paragraph of a subtitle, I thought Cons was like con men

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

@RichCami I guess that would happen after you replace the G for Grammy with Golden Globes?

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

Barbara Walters wasn’t perfect, but I find it very considerate to die before the new year. Don’t make your family file your taxes for another year that you live to see part of one day of.

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

2022 in review

[Greta Thunberg @GretaThunberg]

yes, please do enlighten me. email me at [email protected]

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

My sponsored post today.

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

Twitter actually is breaking.

[Glen Weldon @ghweldon]

Annual reminder:

Pottersville has thriving nightlife, Bedford Falls has a lot of basic white people & a struggling financial district.

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

I was going to make a joke about M*tt W*lsh trending and pretend I thought it was the good one of Veep fame, but I didn’t want to contribute to the trend. Because fuck that guy. (The bad one.)

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

Literally daily.

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

Vaccine misinfo is constantly trending these days. You can see how Twitter is falling apart at the seams.

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

@ayizzzle Just that it’s not really inclusive of Hanukkah and that the “happy holidays” is kind of empty.

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

Out of season observation: Our culture seems to have said “isn’t it weird that we have a religious festival as our biggest holiday in an ostensibly pluralist/secular society?” And our answer to that was to do Christmas harder but call it “holiday” and pretend it’s inclusive now.

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

What if Bob Iger came back to Disney like Elon Musk took over Twitter. Just burning it to the ground.

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

@ayizzzle And mettle and meddle! Rare quadruple homophone.

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

I tweeted that last tweet in spite of the fact that this would have been an incredible final tweet from me:

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

United

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

I am going to miss looking at my old tweets as soon as someone new follows me (to see what they’re learning about me) and laughing at my old jokes that I’ve forgotten. I’m my own biggest fan. Which is good, because almost nobody sees my tweets.

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

United

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

Except that Chelsea Dagger is actually vocals. I don’t know how else to describe what happened in that room.

[Lizzie Cross @LizzieCross]

We were at a comedy show in London last week, and Can’t Stop by The Red Hot Chili Peppers played as loud walk-on music for a comedian. The audience sang along to the riff at the beginning the way Chicagoans sing Chelsea Dagger. It was bizarre.