the tweet doer

using my opposable thumbs to break the thumbs of those who oppose me

[the tweet doer @LocalButtLiker]

my cat: *hacking up a hairball*
my german neighbor: holy shit that cat is talking

[Alan Wagner @truewagner]

At least all my neighbors are on the same page for once...

[the tweet doer @LocalButtLiker]

I love yogurt because it's like Gogurt but to stay

[the tweet doer @LocalButtLiker]

At least my bartender liked it

[the tweet doer @LocalButtLiker]

did u guys ever meet Pete Wentz older brother Pete Twize

[the tweet doer @LocalButtLiker]

pee pee poo poo

[Jeff Yang 🫶 FOLLOW ME @ORIGINALSPIN ON THREADS/IG @originalspin]

Time to add a new stripe to the flag

[Tommy Wiseau @TommyWiseau]

Oh

[the tweet doer @LocalButtLiker]

[commercial for twitter]
me: *wading through a chest-deep pile of shit*
narrator: there's an app for that

[the tweet doer @LocalButtLiker]

logged back in because i ran out of pillows to scream into

[the tweet doer @LocalButtLiker]

i want

[Anthmovie Filmtano @SethxDecker]

Hardest merch ever

[the tweet doer @LocalButtLiker]

@thekatelynspot it's as true today as it was then

[the tweet doer @LocalButtLiker]

i logged in for five minutes and was immediately reminded of why i haven't been here in years

[the tweet doer @LocalButtLiker]

if only i knew then what lie just beyond the horizon

[the tweet doer @LocalButtLiker]

[zombie apocalypse]

doctor: here. this vaccine will make u immune to the virus

some genius: we will not take that. vaccines cause autism

[Gender Pay Gap Bot @PayGapApp]

In this organisation, women's median hourly pay is 36.8% lower than men's.

[Ken Klippenstein @kenklippenstein]

lmao

[the tweet doer @LocalButtLiker]

it is with a heavy heart that i announce i have shit my ass.

i will not be answering any questions at this time

[Classical Studies Memes @CSMFHT]

Nobody:
Polyphemus: