Lolbert K. Lolzworth

Nuggets of comedy gold

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@AnnHaines @anon_opin Yes, if I see another hair stylist named 'Curl up and Dye' I shall... expire in some way...

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@fesshole If it has an app, it ain't a proper Jag.

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@fesshole It was a game?

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@fesshole Nah, he was putting them up his anus. I was there at the post mortem when they finally brought him him. Absolute state of his colon... Colourful, mind.

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@anon_opin People who use Celsius for weather are a) going to burn in Hell; and b) be incapable of sensibly communicating how hot it is when they get there...

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

The great thing about acting is that the strict dad from #Labyrinth, the gay dad from #AbFab and the bar owner from #AFistfulOfTravellersCheques can all be the same dead guy, and you'll never know...

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@fesshole It involves making the deep-throating sound instead, so I'm not sure it's a win.

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@MasterMaliq Adopted siblings? Completely biologically unrelated? So, effectively your parents now have the accidental power to rule out the potential love of your life, just because they happen to have adopted them? That doesn't sound like a good law.

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@anon_opin Dave Gahan doesn't deserve to be alive, but there you go.

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@BriannaWu I'd definitely want to transition away from that haircut...

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

That thing at weddings where the priest asks if anyone knows any just impediment why they shouldn't get married... they should do that at funerals, and if there are any objections, the deceased comes back to life.

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@anon_opin It is completely fucking ridiculous that doctors have to spend years studying medicine to get onto the lowest career rung, but some cunt can make millions from the music industry without even a GCSE in the subject...

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@Pagan5242 @JesusTSaviour @EricIdle Everyone's a bigot these days. Or a woke or a gammon or a karen or a genocide or something. Words have less meaning than bran.

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

A dark day for the #JeremyHanleyFanClub

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

Singer Marc Almond, newsreader Jan Leeming and Timeless star Paterson Joseph all sensationally EXCLUDED from Thomas Tuchel's #WorldCup squad! Have you been excluded from the #EnglandSquad ? You may be due compensation!

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@fesshole Ssshh, you're painting the ACME corporation in a bad light.

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@fesshole Don't worry, they will bring you back, played by a different person, of the wrong age.

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

I heard that some of these #Zionist Jews are so hardcore, they don't just circumcise the cock, but also the balls!

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@EricIdle At least you stuck at it, fair play. Not like that there Graham Chapman who's done fuck-all in years.

[Lolbert K. Lolzworth @Lolbertz]

@anon_opin Worst motorway ever.