Derek Ryan

Political consultant: Voter file builder, data cruncher, maker of maps. Husband. Father. Longhorn. Air Force brat. Pilot. Never paid to Tweet/Post.

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

@StanGerdesforTX There should be absolutely no opposition to this legislation next session.

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

I’m sorry, what?!?

[Stan Gerdes @StanGerdesforTX]

The City of Bastrop is holding a City Council meeting hours away in Fredericksburg, making it nearly impossible for the people they represent to attend and participate.

That’s especially troubling when the agenda includes major issues like the city budget, property tax rate, legislative priorities, data center policy, and Flock camera technology—topics that directly affect Bastrop residents.

Public meetings should be accessible to the public. Moving them out of town undermines transparency and meaningful citizen participation.

This is unacceptable. I will be filing legislation to require that city council meetings be held in the city they represent so the public has a fair opportunity to attend, speak, and hold their elected officials accountable. #txlege

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

@karltm Smart move!

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

I know HB 1481 prohibits students from using cell phones on campuses during school hours. Is the #txlege going to prohibit smart glasses from being used in schools by students and teachers?

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

@JMichaelYoung1 @NotreDame @NDFootball @FightingIrish @FTC 21 years is crazy. If only you knew an attorney who could write a cease and desist letter. 😉

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

Texas played at Notre Dame in 2015. I bought tickets through the ND ticket office. I’ve been trying to get off their email list for 11 years now. Unsubscribing does nothing. I’ve tried that numerous times.

Stop emailing me: @notredame, @NDFootball, @FightingIrish!

CC: @FTC

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

Okay, @FightingIrish. FIVE years ago, I bought tickets through your ticket office for the Texas / Notre Dame game. You put me on your email list. I’ve unsubscribed numerous times. Still getting emails. Now I have a screenshot. If I get anymore emails from ND, I’m going postal.

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

@ErikVidor I’ve never stopped to think about it but you’re right. All of them: USPS, Amazon, FedEx, UPS, etc.

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

@allencorbin He’s who I’d want overseeing my 675 hours.

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

New Mexico. Home of Saul Goodman.

[Polymarket @Polymarket]

JUST IN: New Mexico will allow aspiring lawyers to bypass the bar exam by completing 675 hours of supervised legal work.

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

Diabolical.

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

Every Republican who served with him in the #txlege wishes they could have done this when they saw him head towards to the back mic.

[Scott Braddock @scottbraddock]

Fort Worth: Former Rep Lon Burnam hauled out of the Tarrant County Commissioners Court meeting about slashing the number of voting locations, 📸 via @FortWorthReport

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

If you think school districts are wasting money, why do you let them use exceptions to the Public Information Act to withhold the contracts they have with vendors, #txlege? 🤔

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

Worse. I read the world almanac. I’ve been numbers-obsessed since I was a kid.

[Glenn Diagram @GlennAndTonic]

Would anyone just unironically read the encyclopedia for fun when they were a kid or was I just exceptionally bored?

[Complex @Complex]

KFC and Oreo have teamed up to create a limited-edition fried chicken-flavored Oreo.

The cookies feature Oreo wafers with a creme filling inspired by KFC’s famous blend of 11 herbs and spices, combining sweet and savory flavors into one snack.

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

@WadeMiller Stay with me for a second. Is it possible that this picture was taken while they were on vacation…in Mexico?

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

Hilariously accurate.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I mentioned that my garage door was making a sound.

An American immediately said, "I got a guy."

He did not ask what the sound was. He did not ask what kind of door. He produced a guy on the basis of the word garage.

I asked who the guy was.

He said, "Just a guy."

He did not have a company name. He had a first name and a phone number in his phone saved as "Mike Garage."

That is the contact name. Mike Garage. As though Garage is his surname. As though there is a family.

I asked how he found this guy.

"My brother-in-law used him."

I asked if the brother-in-law was satisfied.

He thought about it. Then he said, "He's still standing."

The house is still standing. That is the entire review.

Inside I said: THEY DO NOT KEEP RECORDS. THEY KEEP LOYALTIES.

I called Mike Garage. He answered from inside a vehicle. There was wind. He said he could come Tuesday between eleven and four.

Between eleven and four. A window of five hours. In my country this would be a scandal. Here it is generous. He gave me a window at all. Some guys do not give you a window. Some guys say "Tuesday" and that is the whole appointment.

He came at 1:40.

He fixed it in twenty minutes. He charged me less than I expected and he did not take a card, only cash or an app I had never heard of.

Before leaving he looked at my water heater, which I had not mentioned, and said, "That's gonna go."

I asked when.

"Couple years."

I asked what I should do.

He said, "I'll give you a guy."

He gave me a guy. Mike Garage has a guy. The guy has a guy. There is a network beneath this country made entirely of men named after their function, and none of them advertise, and all of them are busy.

Inside I said: THERE IS A SECOND NATION HERE. IT HAS NO SIGNS. IT IS ENTERED ONLY BY INTRODUCTION.

I have been given four guys since.

I have a guy for trees.

I did not know I needed a guy for trees.

I have trees now, apparently. They are my responsibility. A man named Rick told me so and then left.

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

@LoewyLawFirm @craig_holmes What about a morality clause? I think about Chris Beard being fired by Texas, charges were dropped and Texas didn’t pay the full contract.

FTR, I think it’s ridiculous to suspend or fire him for this with a league full of players who’ve done way worse and continued to play.

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

@junglerules2000 Only if Tom is still your friend.

[Derek Ryan @longhornderek]

Talking to friends on ICQ while building my Geocities website on my Netscape browser.

[Hubert Thieblot @hthieblot]

Anyone who surfed the early web between 1995-2010.

What’s the one website/app you still think about?

[lex walton vevo official @yugiohmachinim2]

saw a young man wearing s sweatshirt that just said "COLLEGE," as if advertising the concept