Lord Voldemort

Seriously Unhinged

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

You'd think that with all the avada kerdavra-ing flying about that someone would have thought to AK Mondays. #fuckmonday

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

All this talk about a special baby, ugh, stupid babies. I met a baby once, didn't go so well...

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

Monday is the Neville Longbottom of weekdays.

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

Valentines day. Ick. #singlesunite #FOREVERALONE

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

I used to think it took a lot if balls to publicly admit you cheated, but Lance Armstrong proved it only takes one. #confessionnight

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

Merry Christmas #ihateyou

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

It's apocalypse season, my favourite.

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

I was bald before it was cool...and then subsequently not cool again. #baldforbieber #facepalm

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

Case in point http://t.co/NHULw4Lh #voldemortdoesntkillpeopleUnicornskillpeople #okikillpeopletoo

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

So here's the thing about unicorns. The only reason to have a pointy horn like that on top of your head is to kill things...viciously...

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

There's a fine line between a fake tan, and looking like you rolled in Doritos.

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

WHAT??? Immortality without horcruxes? But losing your nose and looking like a badass is half the fun! http://t.co/C8zqmYrg

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

Lord Voldemort Vs Mary Poppins at the Olympic games

http://t.co/C8BaKy1l

Bitch Gunna need more than a spoon full of sugar lemme tell you!

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

Seriously...Monday...go fuck yourself. #fuckmondays

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

If someone tells you to question everything, shouldn't your first response be "why?"

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

#nameyourvaginaafteramovie
-Chamber of Secrets

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

Photo: It could be worse, he could be naked & standing in front of a horse…wait http://t.co/e9bjDm1g

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

On a somewhat related note, people are stupid.

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

Biebers followers are fast approaching the 25 million mark. I guess I can't keep blaming the imperius curse any more...

[Lord Voldemort @LordVoldemort]

I really want to see a version of Mission Impossible where they choose not to accept it, and just chill by the pool for a day