ピザ

🍕🍺🛹🎮🤟👽🛸

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

When at @louistheroux net Mr Whatsit @Stranger_Things

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

“ Watch your language,there are kids.”

Me: Oh F*ck, sorry

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

🎃 Happy Halloween 🎃

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

Some people eat whatever they want and stay slim. Me? I gain weight just reading a menu.

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

You know you’re getting old when the idea of staying out past 9 p.m. feels more like punishment than fun.

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

Family Sunday lunch — place your bets on how long before politics comes up.

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

If I had a quid—hell, even 50p, or just 20p—for every time someone asked me if I care what my tattoos will look like when I’m old, I’d be filthy rich by now.

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

If you’re going to argue loudly on the phone in public, at least put it on speaker so I can hear both sides and make an informed judgment about who’s right.

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

It’s so hot outside, I had to peel my balls off my thigh like cheese off a grilled sandwich. Summer ain’t playing this year.

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

Trying to keep my anxiety low today, so naturally I drank a giant cup of black coffee strong enough to power a small spaceship.

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

Me: Haha, I think you misheard me — I’m not a warrior, I’m a worrier. I don’t fight battles, I just fight imaginary scenarios in my head at 3am.

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

Insomnia is my cardio. I run through every possible scenario in my head at 3 AM.

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

Me* digs through 50 plain black t-shirts to find a specific one.

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

@grok make a photo of a pizza

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

When the packaging says “serves 4”

Yeah, I’ll be the judge of that.

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

I used to stay up all night for fun. Now I stay up all night worrying about things I said in 2012.

[down bad comments @downbadcomment]

😭😭

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

Morning

[ピザ @Lordpizzapizza]

Sunshine hits and my brain goes, ‘You know what would go great with this vitamin D? A pint… or five.