Moon and Back

A personal diary of a #relationship in #Riga #Latvia, #love, #sadness, and broken hearts. The story of us. A hope for a new beginning where we are reunited.

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@tomek525 Literaly says in your screenshot - no change to the advisory level. Stop trying to invent stories that are not there.

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@WhiteHouse What a fkin retard

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@TrumpTruthOnX God what a fkin moron

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@D3gela Is the skin color your problem ? If so just say it.
My kids are 50% Latvian and 50% French, speak both languages perfectly but have white skin.
Is it then different conclusions ?
When rational thoughts escape you …

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@WhiteHouse Shut the fk up

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@JurgisLiepnieks Has to be a joke post

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@KylePagan_ Loser

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@WhiteHouse Disgusting cringe pedophile

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@dde4000 @PrzemekShura The “cotton field” comment. It you don’t get it then shut the fk up.

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@HunterBiden @realDonaldTrump So many butthurt magas in this thread it’s amazing. Well done @HunterBiden

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@mariskalejs @AmiSkywalker @RigasPP They’re not all immigrants.
Or is your point that only immigrants need the drivers license for these things ?
I urge you to reconsider your wording there.

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@PamelaHensley22 Well done for opening something which was already open and which got closed due to stupidity from the US. The level of delusion in the WH is mind blowing.

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@PressSec When delusion meets stupidity

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@vicE1398 @TheMaverickWS They would never have struck US Mainland. The fact that you believe that shows how far gone your education system is.

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

@LatvijaPirmaja Can you please stay there ? And why not, die there while you’re at it. If possible with all your friends and colleagues.
🤮

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

Pumpkin,

I’m in Paris.
Same city. Same dates. Same light.
But you’re not here.
And I swear I can feel the shape of your absence in the air.

I won’t break my promise.
I won’t reach for you.
But I need to say this, even if only to the silence you left behind:

Tu me manques.

In French, we don’t say “I miss you.”
We say you are missing from me.

And that’s exactly what this is.

You are missing from me, A.
Not like a fleeting moment. Not like something I’ve lost and might find again.
But like a part of me is gone, and everything around me knows it.
The street cafés. The shop windows. The hotel room. The quiet hum of the city.
They all feel misaligned — like the music is playing in the wrong key.
I look at a dress in a window and remember how you’d twirl before we left for dinner.

There’s no rewriting this.
No other version of me that loves someone else more.
You are my once-in-a-lifetime.
And I carry you like a sacred wound.

That’s all.

No ask. No message to reply to.

Just a truth whispered to the city we once walked through together: You are missing from me.

I love you carrot, always.

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

#love #latvia #healing #therapy #diary

Pumpkin,

Yesterday, we spent the most beautiful and painful day of our lives. I picked you up at the back of your garden, as you had asked me to, and we drove to the Imants Ziedonis Museum. You’d never been there before. I hoped it would be a space where we could find peace. Where we could meet in reflection, in meaningful conversations and creativity as Ziedonis himself had imagined it. You told me it was wonderful.

We wandered through the grounds, the forest paths, the barns, the poetry rooms, the garden. And then, we found a quiet spot by the river where we sat on a blanket and shared sandwiches and all your favorite food I had prepared. I read to you, from the stack of pages I’d prepared, words about how much I still love you, what still lives in me of you, what I’ve learned, what I admire in you. You smiled. You laughed at how awkwardly I held the papers. You listened. You let me speak.

This place spoke to us, it was a line to your love of poetry and the depth of your identity as a Latvian.

And still, your pain was greater than anything I could offer.

We drove through Sigulda, stopped in a second park, then made our way back to Riga. You said you were hungry, so we went to Fazenda. You looked at me with the softest smile and asked if you could have cake. I will remember that forever. The way your eyes held mine. The simple beauty of that moment.

And then came the last hour, in the car, behind your home. You took my hand, I took yours. We held each other’s faces. We cried. You touched my tears with your fingers, I kissed your forehead. You kissed me. And then you said goodbye.

You told me you loved me, again and again, even as you asked me to promise not to write to you anymore. You said the pain of being near me was too great. That you wish things were different. That you wish you could be strong enough to stay.
You asked me to promise you that I would love again but I said no. My heart is yours forever. My life will never be complete without you in it. I’m sorry but no, I will not love again and I will wait for you. It’s my choice.

But you walked away. And I let you. Because I love you too much to keep you in something that hurts.

I slipped a small envelope in your pocket when you weren’t looking. It was a goodbye. Or a hello, for someday. I don’t know anymore. What I know is that no matter what happens from this day forward, you will always be the love of my life.

And that’s why this is my final post here. I’ve told the story as truthfully as I could, page by page, day by day. I don’t need to write anymore. The story is now yours to carry too.

And now I am numb. I showed up with everything my heart had to offer, with the full truth of the transformation I have been through, with my certainties for a better future.
And now I feel empty, numb of anything, no sense of wrong or right, of up or down. Just silence and emptiness.

Goodbye, pumpkin. Goodbye for real this time.

I love you, carrot. Always.

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

#therapy #latvia #healing #diary #love

Pumpkin,

Because we are right now exploring what a new us could mean, I often wonder why you love me and choose me yet still have all these reservations, and I want to ask you why you would still want to be with me, what an “us” means to you. And then I have to ask myself the same questions. And I’ve spent countless hours thinking of how to answer in a way that could ever do you justice.

I don’t love you because of a role you played in my life. I love you because of who you are when no one is watching. Because even in your deepest fear, you never stop searching for truth. Because you carry your pain with dignity and still find a way to show up for others. Because you’re fragile and fierce in the same breath, and I’ve never seen anyone balance both with such grace.

I love you because your emotions aren’t too much, they are exactly the right size to hold a world that most people are too scared to feel. I love you because your softness isn’t weakness, it’s the rarest kind of strength. You’re not just kind, you’re soul-deep kind. And even when you’re scared or tired or triggered, you still fight for your sense of self.

I love you because you hold me accountable to being better. Because you are not impressed by power or success, only presence. Because with you I can’t hide behind charm or words, I have to be something real. You’re the only person who’s ever made me feel seen in a way that made me want to stay seen.

And I love you because when you laugh with your whole face, it lights something in me I forgot existed. Because your fingers against mine feel like truth. Because when you look at the stars, I know you’re wishing for more than what the world settles for.

I don’t love you for the ease. I love you for the depth. For the way you ask questions that matter. For the way you protect your peace. For the way you carry history and still believe in the future.

You think I choose you because I’m lost. You don’t see that I choose you because I’ve been found. Because your love, even when you’re holding it back, has already changed me. And no one else ever will.

I love you because with you, I am not alone in this world. Not even when we’re apart. Because your love has shaped me in ways I’ll never be able to undo. Because you made me want to be a better man, not just to keep you, but because you made me believe I could be.

You’re not easy. Neither am I. But God, you’re worth it. You’re worth the patience, the silence, the wait. You’re worth every uncomfortable truth and every slow breath. I don’t choose you because it’s simple. I choose you because you’re mine. Because in all the places where I’ve been empty, you’ve left your mark. And I carry you with me, always.

I’m not afraid of your fears. I’m not afraid of your reservations. I’m not afraid of the slow. I’m only afraid of a life where I don’t get to grow old beside you.

This is why I love you.

I love you carrot, always.

[Moon and Back @LostinBaltics]

#latvia #therapy #diary #healing

Pumpkin,

You were always the center of everything for me, but I didn’t realize it until I lost you.

When we were together, I was the one who had everything, my business, my children, my world in motion. And you were the one giving everything you had, with nothing to hold onto but me. I was your center, your gravity, your world. And now the mirror has reversed. You’ve built something outside of us. You’re growing, flying, building meaning from the ashes.

And me, I lost it all.

Not dramatically, not in a way the world could see. But inside, something collapsed. The thread that held everything together snapped. And I’ve spent months rebuilding, not my career, not my image, but myself. My patience, my ability to listen without defending, my willingness to sit in silence and not panic, to stay in the fire without rushing to fix it. I’ve grown. But I fear that if you don’t come back, I’ll lose all that again. That I’ll fall back into old patterns, old grief, and everything I’ve built will turn out to be just scaffolding held up by hope.

Because the truth is, I’ve made you the center of everything now. The way you once did for me.

You’re lucky, in a way. You used our separation to free yourself and claim your life. And I’m proud of you. But for me, your absence wasn’t just the end of a relationship, it was an implosion of meaning. My business, my kids, even the man I thought I was, everything felt fragile. Everything still does.

But despite all that fear, I show up. I show up with love, with calm, with no demands. I don’t need you to carry this weight. I carry it freely, because I believe in us. Even now.

I don’t know what you’ll choose. I don’t know if the silence you need is a path or a wall. But I know this: if someone had told me a month ago that we would be here again, walking together even a little, I would’ve called them insane.

And yet, here we are. And I would rather be nowhere else.

I love you carrot, always.