🔪 L.T. Vargus 🔪

Cat enthusiast. Author. Selfish and unfunny.

[🔪 L.T. Vargus 🔪 @ltvargus]

"If you liked Silence of the Lambs, you'll love Dead End Girl..." -Amazon Reviewer

Start reading the Violet Darger series today: https://t.co/fA5VbENSrX

[🔪 L.T. Vargus 🔪 @ltvargus]

The identical twins I nanny for just rolled their eyes up in their sockets until I could only see the whites and said 𝔴𝔢'𝔳𝔢 𝔟𝔢𝔢𝔫 𝔴𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔶𝔬𝔲 is that bad

[🔪 L.T. Vargus 🔪 @ltvargus]

Sorry I can’t hang out I’m busy circling all the things I want in the Oriental Trading Company catalog with a sharpie

[Gabe @melchizedek420]

Wario is the scariest guy I’ve ever seen in my life

[Gram Smoker’s Dracula @chilledspectre]

you’re surrounded by shadow men from the black cube & that’s ok

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

Requesting Smack My Bitch Up at nana’s memorial service

[🔪 L.T. Vargus 🔪 @ltvargus]

Thinking about becoming a victorian governess who sighs wistfully at the thought of the rakish scoundrel who was lost at sea

[UwUTangClan @Executivejeff1]

your flame draws many moths, bro

[RXKNephew @NEPHEWRXK]

We learned about dinosaurs in school for NO REASON

[🔪 L.T. Vargus 🔪 @ltvargus]

The jerk store called but I don’t know what they wanted because they didn’t leave a message

[chad @chasedbywasps]

life is like a game of chess. I don't enjoy it very much

[frick @gofrickurself]

Getting so high that i forget how to pee

[𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 @MoMohler]

Hello Sharks. What if there was a Narcan for Taco Bell diarrhea?

[e l l a 🇨🇦 @blondehotcoffee]

i would rather touch razor blades at the bottom of the sink than wet food

[Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy]

First date idea: No

[🔪 L.T. Vargus 🔪 @ltvargus]

If you prick us do we not bleed?
If you tickle us do we not laugh?
If you poison us do we not die?
And if you walk by with a platter laden with cheeseburgers do we not robble-robble?

[🔪 L.T. Vargus 🔪 @ltvargus]

I think if they changed the name of New Year's Day to Eat Shrimp Until You Feel Bad Day I would have been more prepared for it

[jainormis @jainormis]

pass me the blankie bro

[doctor worm @awaitingtrial]

reading Ripley’s Believe it or Not on the train and shaking my head the whole time so they know I don’t

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

This year I plan to blame any of my questionable behavior on the moon

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

Big day for ibuprofen.