Lucifer 𖤐

Depths of Hell punishing those who commit evil, I have returned to Earth. Creator of Monday’s. Try me, it tickles. PR team working on my return website.

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

People always get me wrong.
Am I Evil? Yes I am.
Do I make people do Evil? No.
I control Hell.
Like a local grocer, but we only sell pain and torture.
I am the owner/manager.
Employees are demons.
You come because you’re Evil.
You’re on fire and never leave.
#StopFuckingBlamingMe

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

You: Not today, Satan.

Me: Listen. You’ve been putting this off for far too long. You’re only prolonging the agony of the inevitable. And to be quite honest, it’s kind of sad. You don’t want to be considered sad, do you?

#SeeYouSoon #NotTodaySatan

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

You know that feeling of burning when you pee along with a discolored discharge? Imagine that as an emotion. #SignsImNotFeelingWell

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

#IGotSuedFor exclaiming “Jesus Trump”. Because, you know, they couldn’t be more polar opposites, but the #TrumpSupporters herald him as the new Jesus.

#ImGoingToTellJesus
#SeeYouSoon

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

A #filthymouthedwife is my favorite soul. Yum, yum. I could eat one for hours. Hours.

#AndBySoulIMeanHole
#SeeYouSoon

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

I’m bad, but not as bad as the @steelers so far this year. Jeez, guys. On national television with that stuff. And you didn’t have to face that disgraceful ex, #AntonioClown. Congrats, #Patriots.

Pretty bad.
#SeeYouSoon
#NotAnAmericanFootballFan
#NothingElseOn

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

Dead people. Honestly, because who’s gonna move on? #ThingsToLeaveInThePast
#SeeYouSoon

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

#MyWarningLabelReads HOT!

Not like #ParisHilton hawt, but actually very hot.

Thermometers don’t go to my temperature.
#SeeYouSoon

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

The sheets are so cool, I am motivated to have a nap after just waking up. #FridayMotivation

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

#FreakMeOutIn3Words

FOLLOW ME, LUCIFER

#SeeYouSoon

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

#FreakMeOutIn3Words

See You Soon

#SeeYouSoon

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

#FreakMeOutIn3Words

JESUS IS COMING.

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

Nope. Just her acting.
#SeeYouInHell #SeeYouSoon

[USA TODAY @USATODAY]

Kristen Stewart says there was a time when she was warned that her sexual orientation was negatively impacting her career. https://t.co/dTkpgFHfS8

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

#VerifySatan. All of him. In each context. Whether it’s that one, or this one, or the real version… Me. 😈

#SeeYouSoon

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

Sorry to hear this, .@justinbieber. Not that we didn’t see that coming. Well, humans. I mean, you did piss in a mop bucket and throw up on a few people in a stupor. Not to mention that one time at the club… You know the one. The girl and bodyguard thing? Get better.
#SeeYouSoon

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

#KeanuReeves will never visit Hell. Not once. He has been written upward.

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

#IWentToSouthParkAnd Yep. We had a thing. It wasn’t a lasting thing. Still sorting my feelings about it. *tears up*
#GonnaMeetSomeFriendsOfMine

#SeeYouSoon

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

Mother Nature and I have this thing going on. I’ll ask a favor and see what we can do. I play Dom, she plays Sub. I didn’t want her to “park” #Dorian over the Bahamas (Love that place. Great heat!), so let’s see what’s going on.

Watch what happens next. #BAHAMASTRONG #SatanPlays

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

#MaybeByNextSummer I’ll lose the dad bod and get back in shape with these ripped abs and veiny muscles again.

But that .@PopeyesChicken #chickensandwich, y’all!! Damn…

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

I am. #AYTO #SeeYouSoon

[Lucifer 𖤐 @LuciferTweeted]

If the room suddenly becomes co-ed, and the dorm is NOT co-ed, you say nothing. NUH-THING!! #UnwrittenDormRules