I Refused to Raise My Girlfriend’s Kid. I’m Not a Stepdad I’m Her Boyfriend. When I met her, she was gorgeous. Smart. Had her own place. Cool vibe. The catch? She had a 3-year-old son. I hesitated, but I thought “I’m dating her, not her kid.” Fast forward eight months and now it’s “Can you pick him up from daycare?” “He calls you Daddy now!”
“You’re part of his life whether you like it or not.” Pause. I am 27. I do not have kids. I didn’t get this far in life to play Instant Dad in someone else’s game.
Last week, she asked me if I could stay home with him while she ran errands. I said, “No, I’m not comfortable being alone with someone else’s kid. I’m not his father.” She stared at me like I she seen a ghostst. She then asked “So what are we doing then?”
I told her “I’m your boyfriend. Not a stepfather. Not a babysitter. Not a father figure. I’m with you. Not your child. Apparently, that was the wrong answer. She cried. Called me emotionally unavailable. Said I was “wasting her time” if I didn’t want to be a family. But here’s the thing I never signed up for that. I don’t owe fatherhood to a child I didn’t create. I’m not a monster. I’m just not pretending.
Now her friends are messaging me saying I “led her on.” Her mom called me “useless.” Twitter would probably crucify me. So I’m asking do men have to become stepdads just because they fall for a single mom? Or can we date someone without inheriting the title of “Dad” by default?
- Anonymous
- The Veiled Voices Mmm 🍵🫖