Jack off the Dock

Former child actor, one breakdown away from being headlines again.

[Jack off the Dock @luckyjack]

@emptywheel You XD yuh is a f

[Jack off the Dock @luckyjack]

Watched a deer take a shit today. The hard part was negotiating the price.

[Shahrouz @shahrouzt]

In financial news, The Hulk is now bankrupt after tragically misunderstanding the meaning of ‘flipping houses’.

[Jack off the Dock @luckyjack]

When my big dog dies I'm going to have him made into a sweater for the smaller one. Nothing gets wasted around here.

[Camden's Finest @anbrll00]

New name for a bad blowjob:
Fellate men yawn

[Le Trav @TravLeBlanc]

The secret is that a Twitter elite is just someone who has an 8 hour a day job with a lot of unsupervised internet access.

[Le Trav @TravLeBlanc]

I need to move to a city where being an internet celebrity gets you pussy. There's too many real celebrities in New York for me to get laid.

[Jack off the Dock @luckyjack]

The farts push out the shit.

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

Smile bigger, kids. Your mother expects a lot of Facebook likes for this Easter picture.

[SoulBrodeler @SoulYodeler]

There's simply no polite way to tell your sister her baby resembles Scottie Pippen.

[Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22]

I've found that the Delta airplane wheel well actually has much more legroom than coach, however, it is difficult to get your free peanuts.

[Jack off the Dock @luckyjack]

Cleaning out the fridge. Everything before 2012 must go!

[Jack off the Dock @luckyjack]

Apparently chickens can't swim.

Guess what's for dinner tonight?

[Jack off the Dock @luckyjack]

April showers bring May flowers,
But names will never hurt me.

Or something...

[Jack off the Dock @luckyjack]

It takes more than a plaid shirt to embarrass Canadians. You must also sing 'The Lumberjack Song' at every opportunity.