I used to be the most reactive dude.
• Instantly triggered when someone hit an insecurity
• Succumb to my anger if anything went wrong
• And immediately attach to any negative emotion that came up
But once I learned about “The Space Between”, it was easy to establish emotional control.
We can categorize our reactions to things into two parts:
1. The Stimulus
2. The Response
Easy examples of this stimulus-response relationship are:
- You feel hungry (stimulus) so you eat (response)
- Your friend makes fun of you (stimulus) so you get sad (response)
- You feel stressed (stimulus) so you start scrolling on your phone (response)
Most of us are under the impression that our responses will always remain automatic and instant to any stimuli that hits our five senses (and a lot of those responses will remain instant no matter how hard we try.)
But it doesn’t have to be this way—especially with our emotions.
In between the stimulus and the response, there is a space.
This is what I like to call, “The Space Between”.
In this space, you can willingly decide to choose how you are going to react to certain stimuli—it is that little gap of time when you can intentionally alter your response.
But most people’s space between is far too small to even tap into.
Luckily, you can improve your ability to tap into this space, by practicing sitting within this space for prolonged periods of time.
Personally, my favorite way to do this is meditation.
I will think of a stimulus that has caused me to be hyper-reactive, and then sit with that stimulus.
I will observe the emotional reaction without attaching myself to it, and then, contemplate why my reaction might look that way.
Then, I’ll remind myself in real life scenarios that this space exists, and stop myself before I respond so I can take the time to calmly assess the best response.
Consistently training that space by spending more time in it is the most transformative process you can apply to your life.
Because that space between stimulus and response, will determine every single decision and direction in your life moving forward.