EJ

Big jokes

[EJ @LulMasterW]

"Don't make me ask again." Is just one of those sentences that feel threatening even though it's not.

[EJ @LulMasterW]

Daily news
Worlds biggest light show ruined after 200 ton barge mistakes it for a lighthouse and plowed into millions of concertgoers. No one knows how the barge ended up 546 miles inland, but the light show is to blame says propaganda News station.

[EJ @LulMasterW]

Snakes are cool because you know what they are instantly from a distance. Zebras, is that a horse? Wolfs, is that a dog? Polar bear, is that a giant hunk of snow? Rat, is that a mouse? Moose, is that a giant hunk of brown? Snake, fuck me that's a snake.

#snakes

[EJ @LulMasterW]

Imagine how fucked it would be if it came out that the Nickelodeon Green Slime was just wildly radioactive.

[EJ @LulMasterW]

Where did humans forage at before Supermarkets?

[EJ @LulMasterW]

There's just something so nostalgic about snakes. I'm sure we all have a cool snake story from our childhood.

#snakes

[EJ @LulMasterW]

Daily news
GamesDoneQuick donations grind to halt as local player DoritoStevens struggles with simple trick for 7 hours, completely obliterating his chance of getting a sub 8 minute time on the game.

[EJ @LulMasterW]

How did the old fucks of years gone past even remember stuff without thousands of saved pictures and videos.

[EJ @LulMasterW]

Like who even made those big Egypt triangles though. Does anybody know yet?

[EJ @LulMasterW]

Most people don't know this but you can just throw away all your clocks.

[EJ @LulMasterW]

Why do we judge people by the blood on their hands and not by the bloodchilling smile on their face?

[EJ @LulMasterW]

Does even the humble mortician ponder their own mortality?

[EJ @LulMasterW]

I'd rather throw 7 honey crisp apples straight into the garbage than ever have to touch a rabbit. Creepy little fucking creatures.

[EJ @LulMasterW]

Why dream of the ordinary just because everyone else does?

[EJ @LulMasterW]

Most genies don't want you to know this but you totally can just wish for more stringed cheese.

[EJ @LulMasterW]

Oh to be a rat in heaven's sewers. Is there any wish more coveted?

#rats

[EJ @LulMasterW]

The apple didn't fall very far from the tree. Of course, it fucking didn't. What is the apple supposed to ride gently upon the wind to land a mile away!!!??

[EJ @LulMasterW]

Over the course of their entire lifetime, the average adult male will drink 70 gallons of Diesel.

[EJ @LulMasterW]

To each their own is something only those who aren't right say.

[EJ @LulMasterW]

"Oh look, a bird." You point above your friend helpfully as they make no attempt to dodge the 50 lb motorized scooter plummetting directly above them.