Failure

Self-hatred, depression, anxiety, OCD, alcoholism

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

People at work are figuring out they can get me to talk if they call my mice "rats" or "hamsters" or something else wrong (they all know I own the same vermin that infests the store they just don't know what it's called!)

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

Wow, 7 for 7 paid for guppies dead (free baby still alive) from 2 different pet store franchises, and another not selling because all tanks sick. Something must be going around

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

I've only had guppies for 10 years but noticed store quality go down and of course prices doubled. A month ago accidentally got a tiny 1 week old fry when we bought some new guppies and it's the only survivor and it helps my mood every day it’s still alive (photos day 1 to now)

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

Part of it is I've been like this for too long to have any other perspective. Part of it is I block it out by being in denial and in mourning and drinking a lot and having other addictions and distractions, the part of my brain that is capable of talking about it is rotting away

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

I've been depressed for so long, if you wanted to interview me about it I wouldn't even know how to talk about it anymore. I have to watch interviews of others with depression to remind myself, oh yeah, that's what I want to tell people what it's like to live with depression

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

My 1.5 year old aquatic snail disappeared. Guppies disappearing sure whatever the shrimp probably ate them but a big ass like sheep eye sized snail? Why

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

I've maintained a barely normal weight because I drink enough alcohol to replace the food I'm too sad to eat

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

I wish I was this heavily medicated for anxiety 15 years ago

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

Sure my therapist thinks my mental health recovery throughout my 20s is great but it doesn't look great on a resume and that's the people I have to prove myself to to buy rent and food

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

Stop telling me it'd be great if I worked with animals. Already tried that and it was a disaster and set my mental health back a few years, sure I could try again / something different but is it worth the pay and stress anyways at this point

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

@ayojoestar Yeah mom

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

I wish I didn’t have to financially worry about my parents on top of myself but at least they had me in this country instead of theirs

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

Well the last thing I bought tickets for was the Pokemon symphony orchestra 10 years ago also in college on a school night so reward myself

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

My nerd ass paid money to see a lecture/show about space on a school night

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

Eating is too hard

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

I have a ketamine maintenance appointment next week and I bet they'll discontinue it when they hear what a deep depression I've fallen into (due to life but still why am I still so fragile)

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

Just surviving till I die. Who cares how it feels, I'd rather block out how it feels because it feels like shit

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

Faking away suicidal depression for 15 years makes one an amazing actor and liar

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

I look so happy and innocent to others 🙂😇😊 coworkers always say they can't imagine me mad or swearing which is fucking hilarious

[Failure @LumpyDepressive]

Unfortunately my parents would rather have a complete failure kid than a dead kid otherwise I would do what I want and hang myself