& sliding it across the counter like it's fresh. Here's the wild part though, I ate it. The script has been photocopied so many times it's practically transparent, yet somehow it still works just enough to keep you from closing the tab.
A functional disaster snack. Nothing more.
THRASH — Absolutely 6/10
Jaws Called, It Wants Its Plot Back
Sharks. Hurricane. Stranded survivors. "Wow, groundbreaking cinema" said absolutely nobody ever. Thrash is basically Netflix microwaving Crawl, sprinkling some hurricane seasoning on it.
Truly. Critics are out here complaining about runtime while Cronin is constructing the most unhinged, gloriously deranged Mummy movie ever committed to screen on a $22 million budget.
LEE CRONIN'S THE MUMMY — Absolutely 8/10 | Bandages Never Looked This Bloody Good
Cronin said he was "digging deep into the earth to raise something very ancient and very frightening" and brother, he delivered on that promise with a shovel and a chainsaw.
Devastating execution.
Recency bias? Maybe. Correct take? Absolutely.
Cronin shows zero interest in playing it safe, pushing the horror to extremes that'll have you wincing, gasping, and occasionally laughing at the sheer audacity of it all.
MICHAEL — Absolutely 8/10
The King Doesn't Need Your Rotten Tomatoes Crown
Listen, am I biased? Absolutely. Shamelessly. Unapologetically. But bias doesn't make Moonwalk less magical, and it doesn't make Jaafar Jackson stepping into his uncle's shoes for his film debut any less
The boy didn't just play Michael, he became him, and that alone should shut every critic up mid-sentence.
Critics called it "sanitized."Cool. I called it a two-hour reminder that we lost the greatest entertainer who ever moonwalked on this earth.
Hee-he