You have to cut off a person who hurt you. But you also have to cut off the version of you who let that to happen. Because if not, you’ll get the same person but with different faces.
“Just accept that you’re still in a trauma. It’ll get easier.” Said my boss after he figured that we had been through the same stories with love. What’s funny is that i mentioned you during job interview. Told him that you helped me a lot with everything and then you let me down.
Nothing’s like the first time. And when it ends, you try to find it all over again. But something is missing when you’re gone, it’s just a feeling i can’t overcome.
Stay sane in this kind of job is quite challenging. People often told me to balance the pressure by talking to someone i can trust. But i know it’s a total BS. Well it might be because i feel like i don’t have one.
This morning started with consumers complaints on linkedin and got my name viral bcs of it. Bcs lack of communication and poor bureaucracy, I was the one who is responsible for the wrong action of authority. This is the risk when your job is trying to settle sensitive disputes.
2022 is about to end and turns out it’s a turning point. 2023 will be the prime of my health and physique. 2024 will get the LLM. 2025 will make the first 1 M.
But that ‘support’ that i thought contribute so little to my life turns out has given huge impact to parts of me. Time and processes are solution. I have tons of options in my life and i must choose which one is less painful yet trustworthy.
(me at 07.00-21.00): I love my life, i love my space, i love my job, i have almost everything under control. I can handle crisis, i believe i have a crystal clear future. I’m confidence with my life.
(me at 21.00-07.00): why tf did i met you? How dare you?
I have dreams and they’re so damn great and i know i’ll be catching all of them in certain time range. It’s quite obvious when i finally discover all the “stairs” to get there and eliminate all the potential threat.
It’s funny when we are over but your friends still trying to correct your reputation. Cool friends you have there. Nice try. But it won’t change anything.
“Close your heart to their desperation. Close your heart to their suffering. Do not allow yourself to feel for them. They will not feel for you.” - Kratos