Michael Mayrose

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@annemayrose Don't question my methods.

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

#onlyonFADE http://getfade.comqq

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@usdconfession Kylen Freidel left his id at char. It'll be at the door tonight.

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@beth_mayrose As weird as tinder is, it still makes more sense than this damn game is making right now.

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@beth_mayrose 2 words: GI Bill. Unemployed, and thousands of dollars worth of debt ahead of you. #roughingit #suckitpoorasscollegekid

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@bryce1012 @sothisisbeth $250,000 life insurance policy. Just sayin, if I croak, someone has it made.

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@sothisisbeth I actually have it in my will that the first person to answer gets everything. Also, you're one of those damn people.

[B. @bethmdot]

If you remember playing backyard baseball and Pablo Sanchez was your number one draft pick, we can be friends. #90sKid

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

Everytime I feel like getting a job, the army sends me another paycheck. Well, who am I to say they're wrong?

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

"I just want to use your love tonight." And that line works, The Outfield? #80son8

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@ellingererin @sothisisbeth Those dogs were legit.

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@ellingererin @sothisisbeth I still refuse to read Where the Red Fern Grows again.

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

I guess I forgot that I had twitter. Look at that.

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@sothisisbeth @ellingererin Or, you've realized that dogs are better than people...

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@sothisisbeth Hop off your back? We all know you're hopelessly single. I mean, merry christmas.

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@sothisisbeth Day drinking is much easier when I don't actually have to work during the day.

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@bryce1012 @sothisisbeth And you aren't. I think it's clear who has the good genes.

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@sothisisbeth A 5 year old just beat you by falling asleep on your hair. I think I'm safe.

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@sothisisbeth Literally the only thing that could get me on twitter is making fun of you online as well. Feel my wrath.

[Michael Mayrose @MMayrose]

@sothisisbeth @bryce1012 Beth, the moral of Toy Story for you is this: You are a toy, you can't fly. Merry Christmas yo.