Murphy Pan

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Evolution Definitively Proven As Scientists Capture First-Ever Footage Of Chimpanzee Transforming Into Human https://t.co/ZP5gM5O6MP

[Dak (Retired) @RidiculousDak]

Me having an existential crisis in the shower when I should’ve gotten out 25 minutes ago

[Fred MyLeg @foxygrandpa62]

if you had to choose between Spongebob and ALL the money I have in my pocket, which would ya take?

That depends. How much money we talkin' about?

Mr. Krabs!!

SIXTY-TWO CENTS.

I'll take da money!

MR. KRABS!!!!

[Murphy Pan @MPan98]

@khall3ran Lmao

[Bash @LifesABash32]

For everyone who missed this gem on snap.

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Technically, alcohol is a solution

[ari @ar1e11e]

a chicken nugget got more rights than my pussy

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Dice Rolled On Hot Dogs In Back Of Freezer https://t.co/PMfOHl4Ikl?

[The Onion @TheOnion]

"The man you know as Buzz Aldrin isn’t me, it’s some goddamn alien scum. Hasn’t anyone noticed, after all this time?

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

You can now buy Trump 2020-branded straws for $15 a pack, which is a great way to let people know you suck.

[Fred MyLeg @foxygrandpa62]

OPEN UP! It's time for the PILL!

oh barnacles I HATE the pill.

[dusty @dustyrodney]

she’s as arrogant as any male athlete. y’all hate her because she’s a gay woman that has the talent to back up her arrogance