Mordechai Schmutter

Humor columnist (10 publications), author (8 books). Oh, do I have more room? I'm not experienced with twitter yet. I was worried that I'd make the bio too lon

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

@artscroll Kohanim

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

@artscroll Am kidoshecha ka'amur

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

Parsha Classified:
IMMEDIATE POSITIONS AVAILABLE! Seeking 160,000 soldiers to help me fight my younger/older brother, age 99, and his sons ages 2 mos.-15 yrs. You get paid when we get back. Safety not guaranteed. Send Resume and Cover to Esau, 400 Yitzchok Avenue, Mt. Seir

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

@TalkinMendel what is a shul event called?

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

CALL FOR HELP: For the sake of an article, what is the difference between a Chanukah mesibah, a Chanukah chagigah, and a Chanukah Party?
Is it just that a mesibah is boys, a chagigah is girls, and a party is both? A mesibah is sitting, a chagigah is standing, and a party is both?

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

@TalkinMendel My daughter's school always called it a Chagigah. So did my sisters' school

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

@moshe_kolat A lot of people call me "Hey!"

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

@moshe_kolat I would also like to know when I can eat the other half of all these jellyfish that I cut before Rosh Hashanah.

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

@harryjsisson A blatant attack on free speech is when the person is shot while he's speaking.

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

PARENTING HACK: If you put the end piece of the bread on the sandwich backwards, your kids won't realize it's the end piece.

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

@HeimishHumor That is genius. You need to market that

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

It takes טו to make a shidduch

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

NM we can use tears

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

How are we supposed to put out the Havdalla candle this Motzoei Shabbos?

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

I think the thing you have to scroll to get to your birth year should start from the beginning of time and move forward. Let people feel good about how far they have to scroll for a change.

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

@GeniusYidden Especially since it's Baruch Dayan HAemes. Don't google BDE.

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

@minhagim Except the Chassidim, wo should be learning Shvi'is.

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

@minhagim @YankiSense I'm trying to learn Peiah in time for Lag BaOmer

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

@HeimishHumor Unless you have a washer that opens in the front.

[Mordechai Schmutter @MSchmutter]

@thementalfix @NiohBerg We don't rip flags on Shabbat. Or take videos.