MTA Annoucements

Ladies and gentlemen, these are not real subway announcements. Stand clear of the closing doors, please.

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Ladies and gentlemen, yo mama is so large, she subject to random search by the police. #MTA

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Ladies and gentlemen, start your weekend off right with some train delays.

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Ladies and gentlemen, this train is not in service. But what train is, really. #mta

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Ladies and gentlemen, jk about the L train shutdown. Hope you didn't already do something drastic like move.

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Ladies and gentlemen, sign up for text alerts about delays and service changes that way you can look popular when your phone goes off every 5 minutes.

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Ladies and gentlemen, we've just received word from the train dispatcher. They said, "lol just stay in this tunnel more".

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Ladies and gentlemen, remember that it's YOUR fault the subway is such a disaster. It's YOUR fault and it's all because you don't stand clear the closing doors. #mta

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Ladies and gentlemen, never use the subway past 10pm. It's just not worth it.

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's the first snow of the season. Trains will be fucked up accordingly. Thank you for your patience. #mta

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Ladies and gentlemen, y'all really elected Cuomo again? Really?

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Ladies and gentlemen, this is just revenge for holding the train doors #MTA

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Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, all the track work that was done this weekend was totally worth it! #MTA

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Ladies and gentlemen, due to construction, go fuck yaselves. Stop whining. Memorize the construction schedule ahead of time and you won't run into these dumbass problems.

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Ladies and gentlemen, this local train will now be making express stops but before you get your hopes up, it will also be going really really slow so that you still don't save any time.

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Ladies and gentlemen, we've never gotten a ticket for speeding.

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Ladies and gentlemen, just work from home if you can.

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Ladies and gentlemen, no one loves you. Thank you for riding New York City transit.

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Ladies and gentlemen, this train is going out of service due to emotional problems.

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Ladies and gentlemen, please use headphones if you're going to be bumping Drake.

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Ladies and gentlemen, because of construction, trains are skipping Spring Street and going express to Summer Street.

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's officially springtime in NYC! ❄️