MTbits

Do you want to talk about a conversation....?

[David Harrigan @onedery]

We spend 22% more on Provincial cabinet Ministers, and the result is grown men standing in driveways shouting at citizens. We need a different approach. Please resign. #ableg

[MTbits @MTbits]

Pigs don’t even have hair, so why do you call them pig tails?!

[MTbits @MTbits]

When my dad came out to play with us my little sister told him “M and I just said hi to the future.” Kids, am’right?

[MTbits @MTbits]

Have you ever heard of a bootyscooty? It shoots poop in your face .... without asking.

It’s half cow, half monkey, half person.

[MTbits @MTbits]

did you know that in the 1983s people rode horses? there were no roads. and there was poop everywhere.

[MTbits @MTbits]

I’m gonna have band called the Red Helmets. I’m gonna wear a helmet and no shirt and ride a unicycle and play ukulele.

It’ll be a funky band. With a whole bunch of other people. And I’ll be great in the band. A rockstar in the band.

[MTbits @MTbits]

Mom n dad excused us from dinner. C wanted to sit on Dad’s lap. I called C over to my lap.
Told em “I got this, you guys focus on your dinner.”
They did. C was content.

#igotthis
#parentingseasy
#whatsthebigdeal

[MTbits @MTbits]

(Robot voice) “Hello. My name is not Malcolm. I have a different name.”

“Oh. Who are you?”

“I am Captain Knob”

“....”

[MTbits @MTbits]

Mom: "Careful with my new earrings."
Me: "Why?"
Mom: “Why do you think?"
Me: ”I don't know, I don't know that much about earrings!"

#4yearswise
#duhmom
#straightshootin

[MTbits @MTbits]

Me: Dad, your hair is wrinkly.
Dad:It’s curly
Me: no, that’s a winter sport

[MTbits @MTbits]

What if you shoot out your penis and a hook comes out?

Of your penis?

Ya. And it could hook onto a person and you could pull them in

Um

[MTbits @MTbits]

1/2
Do you know what unicorns eat? Bears. They get angry when they see bears and that’s why they eat them. And then they honk out their ears

[MTbits @MTbits]

2/2 and sometimes they put puppies on the bears when they eat them.

“Like a puppy sandwich with a bear in it?”

Yup

[MTbits @MTbits]

Mom, I want to ask you a favour but I can't remember what it is so can you say some things you can do for me and I'll tell you if it's right

[MTbits @MTbits]

There’s a new super hero. Bookgirl. She can fly and throw books at a bad guy and if it hits him he goes in the story!
#thisshouldbeathing

[MTbits @MTbits]

“I'm going to eat this dinosoar...because I'm a paleontologist."

“Paleontologists EAT dinosaurs?"

“I'm a BAD paleontologist"

[MTbits @MTbits]

I want to be a person but my body is a sandwich

[MTbits @MTbits]

Why do I have to say why for everything?

[MTbits @MTbits]

"If I do this, the poop will go back in my bum, up in my tummy, and back into my throat, and in my mouth, and come out as food again" :)

[MTbits @MTbits]

When I was walking through the woods, I heard a great big roar. And I walked and walked, and it was a little mouse, asking for some tea