CPTSD is sitting alone on your birthday and telling yourself you like it this way. It’s convincing yourself you don’t need anyone when the truth is, you needed people deeply once and they weren’t there for you. So you learned to stop needing them before they could be the ones to leave first. The loneliness you choose can still feel safer than the abandonment you never chose.
I hate when people say suicide is solution to a temporary problem, CPTSD isn't temporary, trauma is lifetime thing, you're mentally destroyed for life and it affects your physical health and career and social skills, your self image, relationships and SO ON!
“your trauma made you stronger” no, my trauma made me traumatized, it made me weak, gave me sleepless nights and it gave me feelings i’ve never wanted. i made myself stronger by dragging myself out of a dark place and dealing with consequences that weren’t my fault
I also think we're uncomfortable w/ the possibility that suffering can fundamentally change someone w/o making them wiser, kinder, or stronger. We want trauma to produce some compensating benefit so the suffering was “worth it,” but unfortunately that’s not always the case
very unfeminist of me but a large factor contributing to my ana is a desire to BE desired by the guys (and girls) i like. to strip infront of someone and look like this is something i want more than anything.