Ricky Ianni

CLEVELAND IS THE CITY WHERE WE COME FROM

[Ricky Ianni @MachineGunIanni]

Being a first year on an audit @TheBig4Tweets

[SportsCenter @SportsCenter]

Wemby was honest about his performance in his first NBA action 🙌

[Ricky Ianni @MachineGunIanni]

Thank you @cavsdan

[Ricky Ianni @MachineGunIanni]

Fuck JB bitcherstaff

[Channing Frye @channingfrye]

Woke up thinking.. if Jarret Allen doesn’t play 42 mins tonight I’m gonna lose it.

[¹⁰ @HoodiGarland]

Reporter: “Does it feel good to tell them to Go Home?”

Jarrett Allen: “I did say that.”

Donovan Mitchell: “What the fuck you doing?”

Jarrett: “Switching to a different role, Dr. JA.”

Donovan: “Doctor JA man. I love it.”

Jarrett: “Just had to let em know. #LetEmKnow”

😭😭😭

[DollarDog Nick @DollarDogNick]

“They have the 2nd lowest payroll in the MLB?”

“That’s right, Dave”

“And the only bat they added this offseason was Rhys Hoskins?”

“That’s correct”

“And their ace has a 6.38 ERA?”

“Yes, Dave”

“And they still have the 3rd best record in the AL?”

“That’s right”

[Sopranos World @SopranosWorld]

“Punch is a sweet innocent little creature, how can you not root for the little guy and get a little emotional?!”

[Ricky Ianni @MachineGunIanni]

Life time prison

[Talkin' Baseball @TalkinBaseball_]

Emmanuel Clase is now accused of throwing a rigged pitch in the postseason

[Guardians Prospective @CleGuardPro]

The history of Cleveland #Guardians Jose Ramirez posted on Instagram by Epic History Edits.

#Goat #Guardsball

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Ricky Ianni @MachineGunIanni]

Can you confirm @g1baller that you and shadeur are rooming together in Vegas? Thanks larvdog

[Ricky Ianni @MachineGunIanni]

@BrownsNationcom lol wut

[Quincy Carrier @Kwen_C]

Kenny Atkinson has the EYE for talent according to Jeff Teague

[Ricky Ianni @MachineGunIanni]

@gameswithnames Looks like he’s still thinking about Karen’s ziti

[Ricky Ianni @MachineGunIanni]

We’re so back

[TMZ @TMZ]

Cleveland Guardians smoke cigarettes in their locker room to celebrate division title... 🔗 https://t.co/wPzISVKu0C

[Ricky Ianni @MachineGunIanni]

Just build the damn Jose statue already @CleGuardians

[Ricky Ianni @MachineGunIanni]

Fuck this Rangers team! Suck on that!!!

[Jed 🇬🇧 @TigersJUK]

Oh no our division lead might only be 14 games what ever will we do!

[Ricky Ianni @MachineGunIanni]

One of the dumbest baseball plays I’ve ever seen. Effectively erased a gem with one play.

[McNeil @REFLOG18]

BAD SNAP BY SKUBAL!!