Macho Asshole

I'm so macho. Look at my abs, bitches! The muscles on my fingers are bigger than your biceps. If you're a sissy, then don't follow me.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

I fell off to sleep while getting tattooed.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

I'm related to @chucknorris. And I'm his personal trainer.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

I gave #TheBlackEyedPeas their black eyes.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

Oh, wow! Nice big car you got over there, dude. I bet it makes up for your lack of cock.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

I don't need a whip to get my horse moving. I just switch on the GPS and my trusty steed follows the spoken directions.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

I need three fingers to check my prostate. Damn! I'm #macho.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

At my wedding, my bride and I performed our first dance to Metallica's 'Master of Puppets'.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

Of course it made sense casting #ArnoldSchwarzenegger in #KindergartenCop. He's got the physique to babysit kids. I go after the ninjas.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

The Amazing Spider-Man would be truly amazing if #SpiderMan had my muscles. Coward. Hides behind a mask.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

If 1D comes to India, I hope they get mugged by a group of schoolchildren. Bunch of weaklings polluting the global gene pool.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

#DoYouKnow my abs are so hard that my doctor confused them for ribs?

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

At his daughter's wedding, he goes on stage and sings out a dedication: #IronMaiden's 'Bring Your Daughter... To The Slaughter'.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

Why are those #Roadies on MTV trying so hard to be like me? They'll never achieve it without my awesome genetics.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

Well, I have done everything #SpiderMan has done with his Spidey powers... except doing the bitches doggy style on the ceiling.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

#KatieHolmes realised that penis size is proportional to height and is filing for divorce. #TomCruise is 5' 7". Sissy, must weigh two grams.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

I saw this girl in the gym lifting a five pound dumb-bell. Sissy. My Sheaffer fountain pen is heavier.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

I'm so macho, I can drink whisky on the rocks during a summer afternoon.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

I drink whisky and only whisky. Vodka is for girls. Look at Russia... filled with pretty girls.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

Look at you sissies, bringing out your little rulers to measure your sad excuses for dicks. I measure my penis by weighing it.

[Macho Asshole @MachoAsshole]

They didn't cast me as #TheTerminator because my muscles were too big to be captured by their little cameras.