MaestroCalhoun

I was born, I did some stuff and now I'm here.

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

Yo @elonmusk when you releasing that Optimus, homie? Trying to cop.

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

Me when I face a minor inconvenience in the grocery store: “I’m about to change the lives of everyone in this Whole Foods.”

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

It’s hell christmas and I’m thinking about bringing the demon home.

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

Whatever it is, it doesn’t need hot honey on it.

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

If they think they’re going to round up autistic people and send the to camps, they’ve got another thing coming. Good luck trying to get us off the train.

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

Picture a bottle of Tylenol with a pitcher of red Kool-Aid next to it and the caption reads “I’m about to go dicko mode.”

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

Thinking about speed-running PeePaw status and just eating canned, smoked oysters.

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

Any order is a sub order when you’re a sub.

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

From this point forward, the only opening message I’m going to send on dating sites is going to be “ahwooga.”It couldn’t go any worse than when I try to say something thoughtful.

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

It’s coughing baby vs coughing baby

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

lol

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

@AlexisuwuAlexis @LemonCountsDown I was looking for this and happy I found it

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

Elon is what you end up with when the guy who got mad that he couldn’t suck his own sick in middle school grows up.

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

“Let all the birds die.” Sounds like the brain worms are running him like Remy.

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

If I told you I was looking forward to it, I was probably lying.

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

We’re at the point now where you could say “The emperor has no clothes,” and a bad amount of people would say “Yeah but check out his enormous dick” while staring down the tiniest shrimpy you’ve ever conceived.

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

If the point was to cut waste to reduce the deficit, a refund check isn’t going to help that. I wouldn’t be making plans for this hypothetical $5000.

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

My students whenever I ask them to prepare for the next module:

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

It said on her Tinder bio that she was a “fraud specialist.” Turns out, it’s not her job she’s just really good at running scams.

[MaestroCalhoun @MaestroCalhoun]

Bro hit that shit like a crack pipe. He’s either that autistic or knew exactly what he was doing.