sam mester

They don’t think it be like it is, but it do

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

Do we actually send like the smartest most fit people to space or is the just kinda what we’re telling them? #imgoodonearth

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

I feel like it’s been a long time since anybody has had a paper cut, it’s just that nobody is keeping track. 🤔

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

@ACon_NoNotThat1 Thoughts & prayers 🙏

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

Board meeting for big hangers: What should we make these out of?

Regular guy: I was think just plastic

Pervert: really? I was thinking velvet.

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

Braille = blind person books
Morse code = blind person radio
Radio = much more efficient blind person radio

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

*Tour guide showing me the London eye*

Me: very cool, but if that’s the eye, where’s the butthole?

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

I’m coming clean. I am, indeed, a holla back girl

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

Cruise people vs. non-cruise people is honestly one of the biggest divides in the world. And the disdain they have for each other is massive

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

When wealthy women go to court they have a really nice outfits ngl

[SPORTSRADIO 94WIP @SportsRadioWIP]

The refs ruined one of the greatest games ever.

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

Do you think eels love the electric slide or do you think they just do a regular slide and let their natural voltage add a little swag to it?

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

My favorite president of all time has got to be Winston Churchill followed closely by Rosa Parks.

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

I go through phases of being 100% confident I have the greatest taste in music of any human who has ever lived and then not being able to listen to a single song I’ve ever heard

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

@andrewkielar This is remarkably cooler than what exists today?!?

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

@andrewkielar This ain’t it, chief

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

Great date idea for girls who “love ikea” we wonder around a warehouse while I yell Swedish words at you that you have to write down on paper. Then you own me $784.

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

What’s the medium price of an unfinished 2 bedroom apartment in Guangzhou priced in 17th century Dutch tulips? And does it matter if the developer defaulted on their debt?

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

The redeem team isn’t even out yet and I want the be the first person to tweet that coach k is going to get WAY too much credit.

[sam mester @MagentaMagic11]

Airplanes when they’re flying be like krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr