Mag

Chicken wing eater. Adventure seeker. Frank’s mom. Powered by coffee and dad jokes.

[Mag @MaggGreen]

Need to get better at hiding so that no one's emails can find me. In any state, well or otherwise.

[Mag @MaggGreen]

Wild that he thinks you’re sitting at home thinking about him when in reality you’re just standing over the kitchen sink absolutely inhaling a cold rotisserie chicken

[Mag @MaggGreen]

I’m sorry, BUY batteries? When I could go to my grandmas?????

[Mag @MaggGreen]

Idk how else to explain that your email will 100%, without a doubt, find me unwell

[Mag @MaggGreen]

Boy math is having a girl open up and try to talk about something meaningful and responding with, “haha, and then what ;)”

[Mag @MaggGreen]

Boy math is having a 70 inch TV with camping chairs and an air mattress as furniture

[Mag @MaggGreen]

More of a school-of-soft-knocks kinda gal, myself

[Mag @MaggGreen]

Sorry about all the feelings, I'm actively replacing them with jokes, don't worry

[Mag @MaggGreen]

Recently found out the real reason they force you to learn y=mx+b is so that you can calculate the slope of your life going downhill

[Mag @MaggGreen]

Her job is email

[Mag @MaggGreen]

Surely it wasn’t THAT far down yonder on the chatahoochie

[Mag @MaggGreen]

Having the Bejesus scared out of you is a God-given Maritime rite of passage

[Mag @MaggGreen]

Do we think the aliens are gunna like the new Barbie movie?

[Mag @MaggGreen]

Ya’ll really trying to tell me you’d choose being able to fly or read minds as your super power rather than the ability to not be overwhelmed by an email you’ve been avoiding?

[Mag @MaggGreen]

I say, “yeah, no worries!” an awful lot for someone who is quite literally actively worrying at all times

[Mag @MaggGreen]

My diet plan? Girl dinner.

[Mag @MaggGreen]

Who told our parents they had to burn the absolute shit out of pork chops for them to be edible

[Mag @MaggGreen]

What happened to flash mobs? I miss flash mobs.

[Mag @MaggGreen]

Find me one man on this globe that doesn’t love banana bread. Go ahead.

[Mag @MaggGreen]

How are we letting this happen

[Gavi Begtrup @GaviBegtrup]

A 10-year-old girl is raped. The State forces her to remain pregnant and tells her to consider it an “opportunity.”

This isn’t Iran. This isn’t Gilead. This isn’t hypothetical.

This happened today in Ohio.